THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Josh Neufeld and Dean Haspiel from Scene by Scene with Josh & Dean

Roger pulls Eve up to the upper berth of the Southern Pacific Coast Daylight sleeping car. 

"Oh, Roger, this is silly!" says Eve.

"I know," says Roger, "but I'm sentimental." He kisses her. 

The scene shifts to two Southern Pacific E9 locomotives pulling the Coast Daylight train into a tunnel. 

TITLE: THE END

TITLE: NORTH BY NORTHWEST

TITLE: (MGM Logo)

Fade to back. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Josh Neufeld and Dean Haspiel from Scene by Scene with Josh & Dean

Roger is clinging to the rock face with one hand, and hanging onto Eve's hand with the other hand. He starts losing his grip and calls out to Leonard. 

"Help!" he yells. "Help me!"

Leonard, holding the pumpkin, edges closer. He puts his shoe on top of Roger's hand and presses down. 

Roger grimaces. Eve watches helplessly. 

Suddenly, a shot rings out. Leonard leans to one side, then falls off the cliff, dropping the pumpkin. The pumpkin smashes open, revealing a roll of film.

Above Teddy Roosevelt's head, The Professor stands with a Sheriff and his deputies. Vandamm is in custody. 

"Thank you, Sergeant," says The Professor. 

"That wasn't very sporting," remarks Vandamm. "Using real bullets."

Meanwhile, Roger is on the ledge now, and is urging Eve to hang on.

"Here, reach - now!" says Thornhill.

"I'm trying!" says Eve.

"Come on, I've got you!" says Roger. "Up!"

"I can't make it!" says Eve. 

"Yes, you can!" replies Thornhill. "Come on."

"Liar!" says Eve. 

"Come along - " says Roger, "Mrs. Thornhill."

Roger says this last line from a sleeping berth in a passenger train. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Josh Neufeld and Dean Haspiel from Scene by Scene with Josh & Dean

Roger and Eve are inching along the side of George Washington's head, when suddenly Valerian leaps down on Roger. They tumble down the hillside. 

Valerian pulls out a knife to stab Roger. Roger twists Valerian's arm away and gives him a shove with both hands. Valerian falls off the precipe down to the Visitors' Center. 

Meanwhile, Eve screams. Leonard has approached her and wrestled the pumpkin away from her. Eve falls down the side of the cliff, and is clinging by her fingertips to the rock wall. 

Roger scurries down the side of the cliff to grab her hand. He connects with her just as Eve's foot slips. She has no purchase on the rocks with her feet, as her legs dangle over the immense drop. 

Roger and Eve clamber down the side of George Washington's enormous head. 

They look over at Lincoln and Roosevelt's faces. Then, they look over at Washington's chin. Straight down is a sheer drop, definitely not an escape path. 

The best way down seems to be over toward Lincoln. As they head toward Lincoln's head, they spot Leonard approaching. Roger points him out to Eve, using the pumpkin as a pointer. 

Eve and Roger turn around to see if they can make it around the other side of Washington, instead. 

Leonard scrambles underneath Lincoln, trying to get to where Roger and Eve are. 

Roger and Eve make it past Washington's chin, just as Leonard reaches Thomas Jefferson's face. 

Roger and Eve slide underneath Washington's chin. Eve is shoeless, making her climbing more difficult. 

They make their way to Washington's right shoulder, just as Leonard reaches the left side of Washington's head. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Josh Neufeld and Dean Haspiel from Scene by Scene with Josh & Dean

Eve falls down the side of Jefferson's head, and injures her elbow. Roger climbs down next to her.

"You all right?" he asks.

Meanwhile, Valerian is climbing down the right side of Washington's head, meaning that they're on opposite sides of Washington's head. 

"All right, all right, okay," says Roger. He hugs Eve. "Okay, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on" he repeats, trying to get her to keep moving. 

Valerian and Roger and Eve both inch down either side of Washington's head. 

Meanwhile, Leonard is hanging off the side of Lincoln's head. He loses his gun, and then falls to a flat outcropping. He continues to try and descend.

Roger and Eve are also descending down the side of Washington's head. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Josh Neufeld and Dean Haspiel from Scene by Scene with Josh & Dean

Valerian has a flashlight, and searches for Eve and Roger on top of Washington's head. 

Meanwhile, Eve and Roger climb down the side of Jefferson's face. 

Valerian descends on the right side of Washington.

Leonard climbs down the left side of Lincoln's head. 

"Well, if we ever get out of this alive," says Roger, "let's go back to New York on the train together. Alright?" 

"Is that a proposition?" asks Eve. 

"That's a proposal, sweetie," replies Roger. 

"What happened to the first two marriages?" asks Eve. 

"Oh, my wives divorced me," explains Roger. 

"Why?" asks Eve.

"Oh, I think they said I led too dull a life," says Roger. He looks down the rocky cliff. "Well, come on," he says.

Suddenly, the high heel on Eve's shoe breaks. Eve loses her grip. Screaming, she tears the back pockets off Roger's pants as she falls. She comes to a stop to the level of Jefferson's chin. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Josh Neufeld and Dean Haspiel from Scene by Scene with Josh & Dean

Eve's jacket is caught on a tree branch.

Leonard and Valerian are in pursuit, carrying flashlights.

Roger frees Eve from her jacket, and they continue running through the forest.

A pile of boulders, and four head-shaped protusions stand out in a clearing. 

"This is no good," says Roger. "We're on top of the monument!" They look back in the forest, and see the two men with their flashlights approaching.

Roger and Eve run toward the monument. They find themselves standing on Washington's head. 

"What do we do?" asks Eve.

"Climb down," says Roger.

"We can't!" says Eve.

"Here they come," says Roger, "we have no choice."

Eve and Roger start to make their way down the gap between Jefferson and Washington. Roger holds the pumpkin, Eve carries her handbag. 

As they climb down the side of Jefferson, they look down. It's a long way to the bottom of Mount Rushmore. 

Valerian and Leonard run to the left and right edges of the top of the monument. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Curtis Bloes and Jason Hummel from the Better Off Dead Minute

Vandamm, Valerian, Leonard, and Eve are standing next to the plane. Vandamm is holding Eve tightly by the arm. 

"I've reassured his wife," says Vandamm. "That's about all I know."

Vandamm leads Eve to the aircraft door. Suddenly shots ring out from the house. Roger is seen running out the front door, into Valerian's car. 

The men by the plane are shocked. Eve grabs the statue from Vandamm, and runs toward the car Roger is driving. 

"Get that figure back from her!" says Vandamm to Leonard and Valerian. The henchman are too late, though. Eve gets in the car with Roger and they drive away from the house.

"The housekeeper had be pinned down for five minutes before I realized it was that same silly gun of yours," says Roger. "I see you've got the pumpkin."

"Yes," says Eve. 

They approach the front gate of the property. There's a chain across the gate. Roger doesn't see a way to unlock the chain. 

Eve points at the two henchmen pursuing them. Eve and Roger run into the forest. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Curtis Bloes and Jason Hummel from the Better Off Dead Minute

Housekeeper Anna keeps her gun trained on Roger, who's standing on the stairway. 

"Sit down," says Anna. Roger sits. "As soon as the plane leaves, my husband and Mister Leonard will be back."

Outside, Eve, Vandamm, and Leonard head down the driveway. 

In the distance, the plane lands on the airstrip. 

Eve looks back at the house. She slows and looks back again. 

"What is it?" asks Vandamm. 

"I was wondering about my earrings," says Eve. 

"Oh, they'll turn up," says Vandamm. They arrive at the aircraft. 

The door to the passenger compartment is open. 

"When you return to New York," says Vandamm to Leonard, "Say goodbye to my sister for me, and thank her for a superb performance as Mrs. Townsend."

"I'll do that," says Leonard. 

"And tell your knife-throwing-" begins Vandamm.

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Curtis Bloes and Jason Hummel from the Better Off Dead Minute

Roger hovers near the top of the staircase as the housekeeper, Anna, says goodbye to the traveling party. They leave. 

The distant sound of an airplane grows louder. 

Anna walks into the living room and picks up two champagne glasses. As she walks past the television set, she sees Roger's reflection in the screen. She puts the glasses down on the bar, and walks into another room.

Roger tiptoes down the stairway, only to be met by Anna - - Anna, who has a pistol.

"Stay where you are!" orders Anna. She walks toward the stairway. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Curtis Bloes and Jason Hummel from the Better Off Dead Minute

Vandamm and Leonard watch Eve head upstairs. 

Eve walks into her bedroom and turns on the light. Roger is there. 

"Darling," says Roger, "We can get out through the window. There's a car downstairs." 

"What are you doing here, Roger?" says Eve. "You'll ruin everything!"

"Now, listen to me," says Roger. "They know all about the fake shooting. They're going to do away with you!"

"What are you talking about?" asks Eve.

"Leonard found the gun with the blanks in it in your luggage," explains Roger. "And the figure they got at the auction last night is filled with microfilm!"

"That's how he's been getting it!" says Eve. 

"Miss Kendall?" calls Leonard, from the hallway. Eve turns to leave. 

"Whatever you do, don't get on that plane!" whispers Roger. 

Eve closes the bedroom door and heads downstairs with Leonard. 

"Don't worry, Anna," says Vandamm to the housekeeper. "Arrangements have been made. You and your husband will be over the Canadian border by tomorrow morning." 

"Thank you very much, sir," says Anna. 

"Be careful," says Vandamm.

"We will, sir!" says Anna. "And God bless you!"

Vandamm, holding the statue, walks over to Eve, who is putting on an orange wrap. 

Roger watches from the top of the stairs. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Curtis Bloes and Jason Hummel from the Better Off Dead Minute

Roger's matchbook toss went wild, and landed at Eve's feet. 

From the balcony, Roger watches Leonard walk toward Eve. 

"It would please me if you would think of me being along on this journey," says Leonard. "If only in spirit."

"I shall, Leonard," says Eve. Leonard notices the matchbook on the floor. 

Roger tenses up as Leonard reaches to pick up the matchbook. Without examining it, Leonard places the matchbook in the nearby ashtray on the coffee table and walks away, toward the window, where Vandamm is watching the plane land. 

"He's heading pretty far out on the north leg," says Leonard. "And awfully high. Well, I - I guess he's going to play it safe with a long, slow descent. Couldn't ask for a better night than this. Ceiling and possibilities unlimited."

Eve notices the matchbook. She looks around to see if Roger is near. She opens the matchbook, reads the notes, and quickly shuts it. 

"Ahh, there he goes," says Leonard. "Starting his turn. Well, we'd better get moving. He should have his wheels on the ground inside of three minutes."

"Come along, Eve," says Vandamm. 

"Alright, " replies Eve. She touches her ear. "Oh, I think I left my earrings upstairs. I'll be right down." She races up the stairs.

Roger sneaks out of Eve's room, and looks down on the living room from the balcony. 

Vandamm brings two champagne glasses over to Eve. 

There's a distant noise of a plane.

"Thank you," says Eve, as Vandamm hands her a glass of champagne. 

"To you my dear," toasts Vandamm, "and all the lovely moments we've had together."

Their glasses clink.

"Thank you," says Eve. 

Leonard looks out the window. "There he is," says Leonard. 

Vandamm looks out the window and then at Leonard. 

"Jump in, Leonard!" says Vandamm. "The champagne's fine."

"There isn't time," says Leonard.

"You always were a spoilsport, weren't you?" asks Vandamm.

"One of my most valuable attributes, as it now tunrs out," says Leonard.

Roger tosses the matchbook with the note in it at Eve, but it lands on the floor in front of her. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Curtis Bloes and Jason Hummel from the Better Off Dead Minute

Roger climbs onto the bedroom balcony. He opens the balcony door and steps into the darkened bedroom.

Opening the bedroom door, he hears Vandamm talking to Eve. 

"How about a little champagne, before we go?" asks Vandamm. 

"I'd love it!" says Eve.

"It may not be cold enough," says Vandamm.

"Over the rocks will be alright," says Eve.

"Are you sure?" ask Vandamm.

"Mm-hmm," says Eve. 

Roger notices he has blood on his hand. He takes out one of his monogrammed R.O.T. handkerchiefs and wipes himself off. 

Getting a sudden idea, he reaches into his pocket and digs out a pencil and his R.O.T. matchbook. 

Roger writes "They're on to you - I'm in your room" on the inside of the matchbook cover. 

Eve goes back to her bedroom. Leonard walks up close to Vandamm. "You're not taking her on that place with you?" asks Leonard. 

"Of course I am," says Vandamm. "Like our friends, I too believe in neatness, Leonard. This matter is best disposed of at a great height, over water."

Roger climbs down the arch support for the deck. Eve is seen in the bedroom window, packing. Roger tries to scale the wall to the bedroom in time, but he arrives at the bedroom terrace just as Eve closes the door and leaves the bedroom. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Curtis Bloes and Jason Hummel from the Better Off Dead Minute

Roger watches as Leonard and Vandamm discuss Eve.

"You know what I think?" laughs Vandamm. "I think you're jealous! No, I mean it, and I'm very touched!"

Leonard pulls out his pistol.

Vandamm looks at him, shocked. "Leonard?" he says.

Leonard fires. Vandamm flinches, but is not wounded. Vandamm is puzzled.

"The gun she shot Kaplan with," says Leonard. "I found it in her luggage. It's an old Gestapo trick: shoot one of your own people to show that you're not one of them. They've just freshened it up a bit with blank cartridges."

Vandamm changes from shock to anger. He punches Leonard in the face. 

Leonard falls back on the sofa. 

Vandamm rubs his sore hand as he contemplates Eve's treachery. 

Eve opens her bedroom down and calls downstairs. "What was that noise?" she asks. 

"Yes," says Vandamm, recovering his smile. "We wondered what it was too, didn't we, Leonard?" He turns back to Eve. "Hurry on down, darling. It's almost time to leave."

"In a moment," says Eve.

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Curtis Bloes and Jason Hummel from the Better Off Dead Minute

Leonard looks out the window, but sees nothing. 

"It couldn't have been anything," says Leonard. 

Roger is relieved, watching through the window from below the deck level. 

"You must have had some doubts about her yourself," says Leonard, quietly hiding a pistol behind him as he sits down to talk with Vandamm. "And still do," he continues.

"Rubbish," says Vandamm. 

"Why else would you have decided not to tell her that our little treasure here has a belly full of microfilms?" asks Leonard, as he points to the statue from the auction.

"You seem to be trying to fill my mind with rotten apples," says Vandamm.

"Sometimes the truth does taste like a mouthful of worms," says Leonard. 

"Truth?" says Vandamm. "I've heard nothing but innuendos." 

"Call it my woman's intuition, if you will," says Leonard. "but I've never truested neatness. Neatness is always a result of deliberate planning." 

"She shot him in a moment of fear and anger," says Vandamm. "You were there yourself. You saw it."

"Yes," says Leonard, quietly picking up the gun behind him. He stands up, keeping the pistol behind his back. "and thereby wrapped everything up into one neat and tidy bundle." 

Roger watches the scene with growing apprehension. 

Leonard continues, "A: she removed any doubts about her, what did you call it? Her 'devotion'?  And B; She gave you a new and urgent reason to be taken over to the other side with you, just in case you decided to change your mind."

]]>

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Curtis Bloes and Jason Hummel from the Better Off Dead Minute

Leonard looks out the window, but sees nothing. 

"It couldn't have been anything," says Leonard. 

Roger is relieved, watching through the window from below the deck level. 

"You must have had some doubts about her yourself," says Leonard, quietly hiding a pistol behind him as he sits down to talk with Vandamm. "And still do," he continues.

"Rubbish," says Vandamm. 

"Why else would you have decided not to tell her that our little treasure here has a belly full of microfilms?" asks Leonard, as he points to the statue from the auction.

"You seem to be trying to fill my mind with rotten apples," says Vandamm.

"Sometimes the truth does taste like a mouthful of worms," says Leonard. 

"Truth?" says Vandamm. "I've heard nothing but innuendos." 

"Call it my woman's intuition, if you will," says Leonard. "but I've never truested neatness. Neatness is always a result of deliberate planning." 

"She shot him in a moment of fear and anger," says Vandamm. "You were there yourself. You saw it."

"Yes," says Leonard, quietly picking up the gun behind him. He stands up, keeping the pistol behind his back. "and thereby wrapped everything up into one neat and tidy bundle." 

Roger watches the scene with growing apprehension. 

Leonard continues, "A: she removed any doubts about her, what did you call it? Her 'devotion'?  And B; She gave you a new and urgent reason to be taken over to the other side with you, just in case you decided to change your mind."

]]> http://www.hitchcockminute.com/cm/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/nxnw121.jpg Minute 121: Call it a Woman’s Intuition false no 25:00 No no http://www.hitchcockminute.com/cm/podcast/minute-120-how-terribly-fond-you-are/ Fri, 19 Jun 2020 00:05:12 +0000 http://www.hitchcockminute.com/cm/?post_type=podcast&p=569

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Jeff Ferry and Chris Derkotch from The Jay and Silent Bob Minute

Leonard and Vandamm wait for Eve to go upstairs before continuing their conversation.

"In your case, sir," says Leonard, 'You're going to wish you had cut it off sooner."

"Hmm?" says Vandamm, puzzled.

"I know how terribly fond you are of Miss Kendall," says Leonard. "I don't mind --" the conversation drifts away as the two move to the far side of the house. 

Roger ducks, seeing lights on upstairs. Eve is packing a bag near a window. Roger takes a coin out of his pocket and tosses it at her window. She glances up, but doesn't see him. He tosses a second coin at the window. She steps out onto her bedroom deck and looks around. 

Roger makes a move to wave to her, but he sees Leonard coming back to the living room. He's heard something outside. Roger ducks under the deck platform. 

Leonard peers out at the deck, but sees nothing. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Jeff Ferry and Chris Derkotch from The Jay and Silent Bob Minute

Roger scrambles up the side of the structure supporting Vandamm's deck.  He pokes his head up to the level of the window to listen in.

"There's nothing to worry about," says Vandamm to Eve. 

"I just lost my head!" says Eve.

"I'm not just saying this to make you feel better," says Vndamm. "I mean it!"

"Well, I just didn't know what I was doing," says Eve.

"He wanted to destroy you," says Vandamm. "You had to protect yourself."

"But not endanger you!" replies Eve.

"Rubbish!" says Vandamm, his arm on Eve's shoulder. "Soon, we will be off together, and I shall dedicate myself to your happiness." He turns to Leonard. "What's the situation, Leonard?"

"About the plane, you mean?" asks Leonard.

"Well, of course," says Vandamm. "What's the last report?"

"Over Whitestone at six thousand, descending," replies Leonard. 

Vandamm looks at his watch, "What, ten minutes,hmm?" 

"At the most," says Leonard. "And now, uh, I wonder if I might have a few words of parting with you, sir?"

"Certainly," says Vandamm, looking at Eve. 

"In private?" asks Leonard.

"I'll go up and get my things," says Eve. Roger watches her leave. 

"Well, Leonard," say VanDamm, "how does one say goodbye to one's right arm?"

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Jeff Ferry and Chris Derkotch from The Jay and Silent Bob Minute

Roger is peering over a stone wall into Vandamm's house. 

A 1952 Ford Customline pulls into the carport. Valerian steps out of the car, carrying a newspaper. He heads into the house. The housekeeper opens the door for him.

Roger turns around, to peek into Vandamm's living room. Vandamm is handed the paper by Valerian. Eve stands next to Vandamm. 

Roger moves closer to the living room, but has to descend the hill to move closer. 

He searches for footholds to get closer to the window, which is now high over his head. Roger decides to climb the support arch to get nearer to the overhanging deck. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Jeff Ferry and Chris Derkotch from The Jay and Silent Bob Minute

Someone draws the curtains in Vandamm's house. 

Roger sneaks under the porch, noticing the airfield with blinking runway lights behind the house. 

He climbs a rock wall, to get closer to the house.  Roger puts his hands on the top of the wall.

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Jeff Ferry and Chris Derkotch from The Jay and Silent Bob Minute

Roger is in a taxi, traveling up behind Mount Rushmore. 

The taxi pulls up to a stone wall.

"Sure you don't want me to take you up there?" asks the driver. 

"No, thanks, " says Roger. "Never mind, this is fine." He pays the driver.

"Aw, thanks," says the driver, who leaves. 

Roger looks at the sleek, modern house on the hill. He scurries up the roadway, ducking so not to be seen from the inside of the house. 

Roger decides to approach the house from underneath the cantilevered porch. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Jeff Ferry and Chris Derkotch from The Jay and Silent Bob Minute

Now dressed, Roger walks to the door, and attempts to open it. 

It's locked. 

Roger looks at his watch, then climbs out the window. He stands on a ledge, and walks to the next room. 

The lights are out. As he steps inside, the occupant of the hospital room turns on the light.

"Stop!" she says.

"Oh, excuse me," says Roger. 

She puts on her glasses and looks him over. "Stop!" she says again, only softer and with a completely different intention. 

"Ahh ahh ahh!" chides Roger, and walks out the door. 

The scene fades to a taxi cab driving up a road next to Mount Rushmore. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Jeff Ferry and Chris Derkotch from The Jay and Silent Bob Minute

"Wandering about in good health, it could prove fatal to Miss Kendall," says The Professor.

"I've begun to forget her already," says Roger.

"Good," says The Professor."Better that way,"

"Yeah, much," replies Thornhill.

"Inside of an hour, she'll be gone," says The Professor. 

"Oh. Well, hows's everything out in Rapid City?" asks Thornhill.

"Oh, everything's fine," replies The Professor. "Mister Kaplan's untimely shooting has now acquired the authority of the printed word. Everyone has been cooperating beautifully."

"Well, now you can include me," says Roger, finishing getting dressed. "I'm a cooperator."

"I'm most grateful," says The Professor.

"Care to do me a favor in return?" asks Roger. 

"Anything!" says The Professor.

"I'd like a drink," says Roger. "Can you get me some bourbon? A pint will do."

"Can I join you?" asks The Professor.

"Well, if you're going to join me, you'd better make it a quart!" says Roger.

 "See you in a few minutes," says The Professor, opening the door. He leaves. 

As soon as The Professor leaves, Roger quickly puts on his shoes. He picks up his wallet and personal effects off the nightstand. and shoves them into his pockets. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Jeff Ferry and Chris Derkotch from The Jay and Silent Bob Minute

Roger paces in the hospital room, finding out that the door is locked,  while the radio announcer reports on the shooting at the lunchroom. 

"- moved to the Rapid City Hospoital in critical condition," says the announcer, "has been tentatively identified as an employee of the federal government. The tragedy developed with startling suddenness. Chris Senson, a busboy in the Mount Rushmore cafeteria, stated that he heard voices raised in--"

Roger switches the radio off. He hears someone outside unlocking his door, and quickly jumps into his bed. 

 The Professor enters, with clothing boxes. "Here we are," he says. 

"Hello," says Roger. 

"Slacks, and a shirt - - and these," says The Professor, holding up a box of Florsheim shoes. 

"Thanks," says Roger. Roger  combs his hair. 

"They'll do for you around here," says The Professor. "for the next couple of days. 

Roger stops combing his hair. "For the next couple of days?' he asks. 

The Professor notices a large mark on Roger's side. "Hey," says The Professor, "what's this?"

"Oh," replies Roger, "That's where I hit a chair during that phony fall in the cafeteria. You and your dopey schemes! Shootings!"

"Otherwise, feeling alright?" asks The Professor. 

"Oh, yeah, fine," replies Roger. "considering your driver has a sledge hammer for a hand."

"Yes, I'm sorry about that," replies The Professor. 

"Oh, I guess that's alright. I guess I deserved it," replies Roger. "I guess I deserve that locked door, too." 

"Well, if you were seen wandering," says The Professor.

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Jeff Ferry and Chris Derkotch from The Jay and Silent Bob Minute

"- needed your help," says The Professor. 

"Well, you've got it, alright!" shouts Roger.

"Don't be angry," says Eve. 

"Do you think I'm going to let you go through with this dirty business?" asks Roger. 

"She has to," explains The Professor. 

"Nobody has to do anything," says Roger. "I don't like the games you play, Professor."

"War is hell, Mister Thornhill," says the Professor. "Even when it's a cold one."

"If you fellas can't lick the Vandamms of this world without asking girls like her to bed down with them, and fly away with them, and probably never come back," says Thornhill, "Perhaps you ought to learn how to start losing a few cold wars!" 

"I'm afraid we're already doing that," replies the Professor. 

Eve breaks free of Roger's hand, and runs toward her car. Eve jumps in the convertibles and starts it up. Roger runs toward the car. The Professor signals the Park Ranger. 

"I'm not going to let you do this," says Roger to Eve.

"Now, really don't spoil everything now, please!" says Eve struggling to drive away. Roger opens her car door.

There's a tap on his shoulder. Roger turns around, only to be met by the Park Ranger's fist. Roger is knocked to the ground, sprawled across the pine needles. Eve drives away. 

In a hospital room later that evening, Roger, wearing only a towel, paces back and forth.

The radio news reports on the shooting:

"-- in full view of scores of men, women, and children, who had come to the park to see the famed Mount Rushmore Monument. Witnesses to the shooting described Kaplan's assailant as 'an attractive blonde, in her late twenties,' Kaplan, who was removed - "

Roger puts his arm around Eve as they walk back toward The Professor. 

“Ah well, I guess it’s off to hospital for me and back to danger for you. I don’t like it a bit,” says Roger. 

“It’s much safer now, thanks to you, my darling — decoy,” says Eve. 

“Well, don’t thank me, I couldn’t stand it,” says Roger. 

“Alright, I won’t,” says Eve. 

“After your malevolent friend Vandamm takes off tonight, you and I are going to get together and do a lot of apologizing to each other, in private,” says Roger. 

“You know that can’t be,” says Eve. 

“Of course it can be!” says Roger. Eve looks at him, puzzled, then looks at The Professor.

“Well, he has told you, hasn’t he?” Eve asks Roger. 

“Told me what?” asks Roger.

“Miss Kendall,” interrupts The Professor, “you’ve got to get moving.”

“Wait a minute,” says Roger. “What didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you?’ asks Eve. 

“She’s going off with Vandamm tonight on the plane,” explains The Professor. 

“She’s going off with Vandamm?” asks Roger. 

“Well, that’s why we went to such lengths to make her a fugitive from justice,” says The Professor. “So that Vandamm couldn’t very well decline to take her along.”

“But  you said – ” begins Roger. 

“I needn’t tell you how valuable she could be to us over there,” continues The Professor. 

“You lied to me!” says Roger to The Professor. “You said that after tonight -“

“I-” begins The Professor.

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Tierney Steele Callahan and Megan Coleman from The M*A*S*H Minute

"How come?" asks Roger.

"Men like you," says Eve.

"What's wrong with men like me?" asks Roger.

"They don't believe in marriage," says Eve. 

"I've been married twice!" responds Roger.

"See what I mean?' says Eve. 

"I may go back to hating you," says Roger, kissing Eve. "It was more fun."

Eve kisses Roger. "Goodbye, Darling," she says.

"Now, wait a minute," says Roger. "Not so soon."

"No, I've got to get back to the house and convince them that I took the long way around so nobody followed me," says Eve.

Roger hugs her. "Couldn't we stand like this for just a few  hours?" he asks. 

"There just isn't time," says Eve. "You're supposed to be critically wounded."

"I've never felt more alive," says Roger.

"Well, whose side are you one?"says Eve.

"Yours always, Darling," says Roger. 

"Please don't undermine my resolve," says Eve, "just when I need it most. "

The Professor beeps the horn on the station wagon. Eve and Roger look at him.

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Roger and Eve discuss the tidiness of Roger' "death."

"Rather well, I thought," says Eve. 

"Yes," says Roger. "I thought I was quite graceful."

"Considering it's not really your kind of work," says Eve.

"Well, I got into it by accident," says Roger. "What's your excuse?"

"I met Phillip Vandamm at a party one night, and saw only his charm," says Eve.

"Oh," says Roger.

"I guess I had nothing to do that weekend," says Eve, "so I - I decided to fall in love." 

"That's nice," says Roger.

"Eventually, the Professor and his Washington colleagues approached me with - - a few sordid details about Phillip, and they told me that my relationship with him made me uniquely valuable to them," says Eve. 

"Mm-hm," says Roger. "So, you became a girl scout."

"Maybe it was the first time anyone asked me to do something worthwhile," says Eve. 

"Has life been like that?" asks Roger.

"Mm-hmm," agrees Eve. 

“Oh,” says Roger.

“There’s not much time,” says Eve. 

“Isn’t there?” asks Roger.

“I wanted to tell you –  I mean, apologize,” says Eve.

“No need,” says Roger. “I understand. All in the line of duty.” 

“I did treat you miserably,” says Eve. 

“I, uh, — I hated you for it,” says Roger.

“I didn’t want you to go on thinking that I – – ” says Eve, unable to finish the sentence.

“But I – – I used some pretty harsh words. I’m sorry,” says Roger.

“They hurt, deeply,” says Eve. 

“And naturally, if I’d known – ” says Roger.

“I couldn’t tell you,” says Eve. 

“Of course not,” says Roger.

“Could I?’ asks Eve.

Roger smiles. “No,” says Roger, “I guess not.”

“You didn’t get hurt,” says Eve. ” I’m so relieved.”

“Of course I was hurt!” says Roger. “How would you have felt?”

“I mean in the cafeteria, when you fell,” explains Eve. “When I shot you with the blanks.” 

“Oh, that,” says Roger, “No, I –“

“You didn’t-” says Eve. 

The late Roger Thornhill is placed in a Park Service station wagon The Professor looks on, then climbs into the station wagon on the passenger side. 

Later, in a clearing in the woods, the station wagon stops. The Professor opens the back of the station wagon.  "Mister Thornhill?' calls The Professor. Roger climbs out of the car. He stands and faces Eve's car. 

"Don't be long," says The Professor. 

"Hello," says Eve.

"Hello," replies Roger. 

"Are you alright?" asks Eve.

"Yes, I think so," says Roger.

"I asked The Professor if I could see you again," says Eve. 

“Just a second, you,” says Roger, spinning Eve around. 

“Stay away from me,” says Eve. “You let go! Let go!” Roger drags her back to his table. 

Vandamm moves to stop Roger, but Leonard grabs Vandamm and shakes his head “no.”

“Stay away from me! Let go!” says Eve, struggling to get out of Roger’s grip. “Let go of me!”

“Now, save the phony tears,” says Roger. 

“You just get back!” whispers Eve. She reaches into her purse and produces a pistol, aimed at Roger. 

Roger looks at the gun in shock. “Why, you little fool!” says Roger. 

“You just stay away from me!” says Eve. 

Roger takes a step forward. 

Eve shoots Roger three times, while screaming. Roger slumps to the floor. 

There is pandemonium in the lunch room. People are running everywhere. 

Vandamm makes a move to grab Roger. 

“No good, sir,” says Leonard, holding Vandamm’s arm. “Can’t get involved in this.”

Eve runs to the parking lot, a crowd of people chasing after her. 

Next to the prostrate form of Roger on the the floor, The Professor yells at the crowd, “Don’t touch anything!”

Eve jumps into a white convertible and leaves the scene. 

Leonard looks on as The Professor examines Roger. The Professor wipes off his hands with a handkerchief, and shakes his head sadly. 

The  scene dissolves to Roger’s body being loaded into an ambulance in the parking lot. 

"-to stop you?" continues Roger.

"How much did you have in mind?" asks Vandamm.

"I want the girl," says Roger. "I want the girl to get what's coming to her. You turn her over to me, and I'll see there's enough stuff pinned on her to keep her... uncomfortable for the rest of her life. You do that, and I'll look the other way tonight."

"She really did get under your skin, didn't she?" asks Vandamm. 

"We're not talking about my skin. We're talking about yours," replies Roger. "I'm offering you a chance to save it."

"To exchange it," corrects Vandamm.  Roger pauses. 

"Put it any way you like," says Roger. 

"I'm curious, Mister Kaplan," says Vandamm. "What made you arrive at the deduction that my feelings for Miss Kendall might have deteriorated to the point where I would trade her in for a little peace of mind?"

"I don't deduce," says Roger. "I observe."

Eve steps up to the table. "Phillip," says Eve, "If you don't mind, I'm going back to the house now." She turns to leave.

Vandamm rushes after her and grabs her by the elbow. He gestures to Leonard, seated at a nearby table. 

Vandamm and Eve walk toward where Roger is seated in the lunchroom. Roger stands up.

“Good afternoon, Mister Kaplan,” says Vandamm.

“Not her!” says Roger. Eve walks away from the table.

“Did I misunderstood you about bringing her here?” asks Vandamm, as he and Roger sit down.

“We’ll get to that later,” says Roger. “I suppose you were surprised to get my call.”

“Not at all,” says Vandamm. “I knew the police would release you, Mister Kaplan. By the way, I want to compliment you on your colorful exit from the auction gallery.”

“Thank you,” says Roger.

“And now,” says Vandamm, “what little drama are we here for today? I really don’t for a moment believe that you’ve invited me to these gay surroundings to come to a business arrangement. “

Roger looks around. “Suppose I tell you I not only know the exact time you’re leaving the country tonight, but the latitude and longitude of your rendezvous, and your ultimate destination?”

“You wouldn’t care to carry my bags for me, would you?” asks Vandamm.

“Perhaps you’d be interested in the price, just the same?” says Roger. 

“The price?” says Vandamm.

“For doing nothing,” says Roger. 

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Roger sees Vandamm, Eve, and Leonard in the parking lot of the Rushmore Visitors' Center. 

"Here they are," says Roger to The Professor. 

The Professor quickly steps inside the cafeteria.  Roger enters the lunchroom through a side door. He walks up to the cashier and purchases a cup of coffee, then sits at a table facing the side door. 

Eve, Vandamm, and Leonard enter the lunchroom. Vandamm removes his hat. He spies Roger, and the three walk toward where Roger is seated. 

"A word of caution, Mister Kaplan," says The Professor. "Speak softly and carry a big stick."

"I think he's trying to tell me not to go through with this hare-brained scheme," says Roger, looking through the telescope at Mount Rushmore. 

"Perhaps he doesn't know to what extent you're the cause of our present trouble," replies The Professor. 

"Oh, I don't know if I care to accept that charge, Professor," says Roger, adjusting the focus. 

"Dear fellow," says The Professor, "if you hadn't made yourself so damnably attractive to Miss Kendall, that she fell for you-"

"And vice-versa," adds Roger. 

"Our friend Vandamm wouldn't be losing faith in her loyalty now," finishes The Professor. "It was quite obvious to him last night that she'd become emotionally involved. Worst of all, with a man he thinks is a government agent."

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm irresistible?" asks Roger.

"I'm trying to remind you that it's your responsibility to help us to restore her to Vandamm's good graces, right up to the point that he leaves the country tonight," explains The Professor.

"Alright, alright," says Roger. "But after tonight - "

"My blessings on your both," says The Professor.  He folds up his newspaper. Roger walks toward the parking lot of the Visitors' Center. 

"... whom you so obviously disapprove," says The Professor, referring to Eve Kendall.

"Yes," says Roger, "for using sex like some people use a fly swatter."

"Well, I don't suppose it would matter to you that she was probably forced to do whatever she did in order to protect herself?" asks The Professor. 

"To protect herself?" says Roger. "From what?"

"Exposure," replies The Professor, "and assassination. You see, Mister Thornhill,  she -- she's one of our agents."

Roger's eyes widen. "Oh no," he says. 

"I know you didn't mean it," says The Professor, "but I'm afraid you have put her in an extremely dangerous situation. And much more than her life is at stake. "

The scene shifts to Mount Rushmore. The busts of four Presidents look down on Roger and The Professor who are standing at the entrance to the Visitors' Center. 

Roger is looking through a coin-operated telescope, while The Professor reads a newspaper. 

"Suppose they don't come?" asks Roger. 

"They'll come," replies The Professor. 

"I don't like the way Teddy Roosevelt is looking at me," says Roger. 

"Perhaps he's trying to give you one last word - -" begins The Professor. 

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Roger's discussion with The Professor is drowned out by the engines on a nearby TWA Lockheed Constellation. 

"Now, look," says Roger. "You started this decoy business without me - - you finish it without me!"

"Well, we might have, if you hadn't stumbled into it," says The Professor. 

"I think you ought to give me a medal and a very long vacation, instead of asking me to go on, being a target," says Roger, "just so that your special agent, or whatever you call him, doesn't get shot at." 

"Oh, not shot at," replies The Professor, "Found out. Once found out, they're as good as dead. Thanks to you, clouds of suspicion are already forming." 

"Thanks to me?" asks Roger. 

"If you'll get on the plane..." says The Professor.

"Now, wait a minute," says Roger. "You listen to me: I'm an advertising man, not a red herring. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives, and several bartenders dependent on me. And I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself slightly killed. The answer is no." 

"Is that final?" asks The Professor. 

"Yes," says Roger. 

"Well, goodbye then," says The Professor, shaking Roger's hand. 

"Goodbye," replies Roger. 

"If I thought there was any chance in changing your mind, I'd talk about Miss Kendall," says The Professor. 

Roger looks at him, puzzled. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Sean German and Brian German from Groundhog Minute

Thornhill and The Professor are discussing what Vandamm is exporting. 

"Government secrets, perhaps?" says The Professor. 

"Then why don't you grab him?" asks Thornhill.

"Still too much we don't know about his organization," says The Professor. 

"Oh, I see," says Roger. "What's all this got to do with Mount Rushmore?"

"Well, Vandamm has a place near there," says The Professor. "We think it's his jumping-off point to leave the country tomorrow night."

"Hmm," says Roger. "You're going to stop him?"

"No," says The Professor.

"Well, then what are we going there for?"asks Roger.

"To set his mind at ease about George Kaplan," says The Professor. 

"Oh, you, huh?" says Roger. "Hmm. Why, you're George Kaplan, aren't you!"

"Oh no, Mister Thornhill," says The Professor. "There is no such person as George Kaplan." 

"What do you mean there's no such person?" asks Roger. "I've been in his hotel room! I've tried on his clothes. He's got short sleeves and dandruff!"

"Believe me, Mister Thornhill," says The Professor, "he doesn't exist. Which is why I'm going to have to ask you to go on being him for the next twenty-four hours." 

"What?" says Thornhill. 

"Come on," says The Professor, "we'll discuss it on the plane. "

Roger starts to object, but the conversation is drowned out by the noise of the engines of the Northwest Lockheed L-749A Constellation.

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"FBI, CIA, ONI - We're all in the same alphabet soup," replies the Professor. 

"Really?" says Roger. "Well, you can stick this in your alphabet soup: I had nothing to do with that United Nations killing! "

"We know that," says The Professor. 

"You know it?" asks Roger "Then why did you let the police chase me all over the map?"

"We never interfere with the police," says The Professor, "unless absolutely necessary. It's become necessary!" 

"Oh, I see," says Roger. "Now, I take it I'm going to be cleared?" 

"I do wish you'd walk faster, Mister Thornhill," says The Professor. "We'll miss the plane." 

"Where are we going?" asks Thornhill. "New York, or Washington?"

"Rapid City, South Dakota," says The Professor. 

"Rapid City?" says Roger. "What for?"

"It's near Mount Rushmore," explains The Professor. 

"Well, thank you, I've seen Mount Rushmore," says Roger. 

"So's your friend, Mister Vandamm," replies The Professor. 

Roger stops walking. 

"Vandamm?" says Thornhill. 

"Rather a formidable kind of gentleman, eh?" asks The Professor.

"Yeah," says Roger. "What about that treacherous little tramp with him, huh?"

"Miss Kendall?" asks The Professor.

"Yeah," says Roger. 

"His mistress," says The Professor. "We know all about her." 

"Tell me," says Roger. "What's Vandamm up to?"

"Oh, you could say he's a sort of importer / exporter," replies The Professor. 

"Of what?" asks Roger. 

"Oh -" begins The Professor. 

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The police cruiser pulls up in front of the main terminal at Midway Airport. Roger and the two police officers get out of the car and head into the terminal, at the Northwest ticket office. 

"Said he meet right here," says the police officer who was driving. 

"Would anyone mind if I sit down? I've been running all day," says Roger. 

Suddenly, the Professor runs up to the Northwest ticket counter and pushes a folded wallet at the agent. The agent hands the Professor several tickets. Next, the Professor talks to the police officers. 

"Ah!" says The Professor. "Thought I'd never make it. I'm getting too old for this kind of work."  He flashes an ID to the police officer who was driving. "All right, men. Thank you." He tuns to Roger without looking at the police officers. "This way, Mister Thornhill." The Professor steers Thornhill toward the departure gate. 

"Now, wait a minute," says Thornhill. 

"We haven't much time," explains the Professor, continuing to direct Thornhill to the gate. "This way is more private."

They exit to the airfield. 

"I don't think I caught your name," says Thornhill.

"I don't think I've pitched it," says The Professor. 

"You're police, aren't you?" asks Thornhill, "or is it FBI?"

“-PD. Positive ID,” says the police officer driving the police car. The police officer in the back seat hand Roger’s wallet back to Thornhill. “Absolutely. No question, “says the driver. “Michigan Avenue, proceeding north to forty-second precinct.”

There’s a pause.

“What?” says the driver to the radio phone. “Come again? You sure? Okay. Right. Yeah, I got it.  One oh five five, off and clear. ” The driver makes a sharp turn. 

“Where are we going?” asks the officer in the back seat. 

“Airport,” says the driver. 

“For what?” asks the back seat officer. 

“Orders,” says the driver. 

“Airport?” says Roger, “I don’t want to be taken to the airport! I want to be taken to police headquarters!”

“You do, huh?” says the driver. 

“Well, why’d you think I sent for your fellows?” asks Roger. 

“How ’bout this guy, Charlie?” says the driver. “He sent for us!”

“Sit back,” says officer Charlie to Roger.

“But didn’t you hear what I said? I wanted to be taken to police headquarters! I’m a dangerous assassin! I’m a mad killer on the loose! “

“You oughta be ashamed of yourself!” says the driver. 

Later, the police car pulls up in front of the Midway Airport terminal. Brian Ger

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"Handle with care, fellows!" says Thornhill. "I'm very valuable property."

A police officer gets in the back seat with Thornhill, while the other takes the driver's seat. 

"Well, I want to thank you gentlemen for saving my life," says Thornhill. "Thank you my friend, thank you," Roger says to the driver.

"Save it," says the other police officer. 

Roger looks around. "Well, let's have some smiles, and good cheer," says Roger. "You're about to become heroes. Don't you know who I am?"

"We'll find out, as soon as we book you for being drunk and disorderly," replies the police officer in the back seat. 

"Drunk and disorderly?" replies Thornhill. "That's chicken feed. You've hit the jackpot. CHICAGO POLICE CAPTURE UNITED NATIONS KILLER. My name is Roger Thornhill."  Roger pulls out his wallet with his ID. 

The driver looks at a newspaper on the front seat and looks at Thornhill. "It's him," says the officer. 

"That's right," says Thornhill. Congratulations, men!" 

"Yeah!" says the officer in the back seat, then looks at his notebook. 

"This is one oh five five," says the driver, into a police radio.  "Sergeant Flamm. We have a man here who answers to the description of Thornhill, Roger, Code Seventy Six.  Wanted by NYPD."

“Twenty-five hundred!” says Roger. “My money’s as good as anybody’s.”

“I have -,” says the auctioneer, pausing. “What was it?” he asks his assistant.

“Twelve hundred,” says the assistant.

“Twelve hundred,” repeats the auctioneer. “I have twelve hundred once, twelve hundred twice…”

“Three thousand!” shouts Roger. 

“Sold for twelve hundred,” says the auctioneer. The audience is in an uproar. 

“Now I’m not going to let you get away with that! That’s unfair!” says Roger, as several auction employees walk toward him. One employee grabs him by the elbow.

“Take your hands off me, or I’ll sue you!” says Roger, looking around at the crowd. He sees two police officers arrive. 

Roger turns back to the auction house employee and lands a punch on the man’s chin, knocking him to the ground. Several people scream. The man gets up and takes a swing at Roger. Roger blocks the swing and punches the man in the stomach. He falls on top of the auction man as the police move to grab Roger.

The Professor, on the other side of the crowd, watches the action, then leaves. 

Leonard is unsure what to do. 

Roger wrestles with the auction employee as the police scramble to arrest him.

The auctioneer chews on a pen. 

“What took you so long?” Roger asks the police as they hustle him our of the auditorium.

“Let’s take a little walk,” says one of the police officers. 

“Wait a minute,” says Roger. “I haven’t -“

“Get moving!” says the other police officer. 

“-finished bidding yet! Three thousand! I big three thousand!” yells Roger. 

Roger and the police pass by Valerian. “I’m sorry, old man. Too bad. Keep trying,” says Roger. 

The police drag Roger to to the entrance. “Not so rough!” says Roger.  They pass by The Professor, who’s making a call in a phone booth. 

Roger and the police wind up outside by a police car. 

“Who will say twelve?” asks the auctioneer. “Eleven once – – who will say twelve? Eleven twice.”

A man in the back raises his hand. “Twelve, thank you,” says the auctioneer.  “Twelve is bid. I have twelve. Go thirteen? Who will say thirteen?”

“Thirteen dollars!” says Roger. The crowd laughs. 

“You mean thirteen hundred, sir!” replies the auctioneer. 

“No, I mean thirteen dollars,” says Roger. “That’s more than it’s worth.”

The auctioneer shakes his head. “I – I have twelve hundred.” The auctioneer’s assistant walks to the back of the room and speaks to a woman sitting in front of a telephone. 

“Go thirteen – who will say thirteen?” continues the auctioneer. “Who will say twelve fifty?” The woman begins dialing the phone.

“Twelve hundred once,” says the auctioneer. “Twelve hundred twice… Last call, twelve hundred…”

“Two thousand!” shouts Roger.

“Two thousand?” asks the auctioneer.

“Twenty-one hundred!” shouts Roger. 

“I’m sorry sir, but we can’t –” begins the auctioneer.

“Make it twenty five hundred!” continues Roger. 

“Ask him to leave!” says a man in the crowd. Leonard looks around, nervously. 

“Would the gentleman please cooperate?” asks the auctioneer. 

“Last bid was twelve hundred,” says the auctioneer’s assistant. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Sean German and Dave Pallas from Groundhog Minute

Leonard glares at Roger, who's obviously trying to cause a scene.

"I have... twenty-two fifty," stammers the auctioneer. "Do I hear twenty-five? Twenty-two fifty once, twenty-two fifty twice..."

"Twelve hundred!" shouts Roger. 

"Sold, for twenty-two fifty," says the auctioneer, also glaring at Roger. "And now..."

"Twenty-two fifty for that chromo?" shouts Roger. People turn in their chairs to look at Roger. 

"Number one hundred ten in the catalog," continues the auctioneer. "A Louis XV carved and gilded lit de repos. Would somebody start the bidding at seven hundred and fifty dollars, please?"

"Uh, how do we know it's not a fake? It looks like a fake!" shouts Roger. 

The crowd groans and tsks at Roger. A woman in front of him turns around.

"Well, one thing we know," says the woman. "You're no fake. You're a genuine idiot."

"Thank you," replies Roger.

"I wonder if I could respectfully as the gentleman," says the auctioneer, "to get into the spirit of the proceedings."

"All right," says Roger. "I'll start it at eight."

"Eight hundred," says the auctioneer. "Thank you. Nine hundred? One thousand is bid. Go twelve?"

"Eleven," says Roger. 

"Eleven is bid," replies the auctioneer. "Thank you. Go twelve? I have eleven. Go twelve."

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"Sold for twelve hundred dollars," says the Auctioneer. "Thank you!"

Valerian reaches in his jacket pocket. Thornill backs up to look for another exit. He heads for the stage.

"And now, Catalog number one oh nine," continues the auctioneer. 

Roger looks up at the stage, to see that Leonard is blocking his way. 

"This superb example of this early 17th Century master..." continues the auctioneer. "It will enhance any collection of fine art."

Roger finds an empty chair and sits down. 

"What is your pleasure? How much to start?" asks the auctioneer. 

"One thousand dollars," calls a woman. 

"One thousand is bid," replies the auctioneer. "Twelve fifty I have. Now, fifteen hundred."

Valerian moves into the bidding area and sees Thornhill. 

Roger looks around, trying to think of something to do. 

"Fifteen hundred is bid," says the auctioneer. "Thank you. Seventeen fifty?"

Vandamm hustles Eve out of the auction area. 

"I have seventeen fifty," says the auctioneer.

"Two thousand dollars," calls another man. 

"Two thousand is bid. I have two thousand," says the auctioneer. "Do I hear twenty five? Twenty five hundred, anyone?"

Roger watches Eve leave.

"Twenty-two fifty once, " says the auctioneer. Leonard glares and smiles at Roger. 

 "Twenty-two fifty twice," says the auctioneer. "Last call."

Roger gets an idea.

"Fifteen hundred!" says Roger. 

Everyone turns to look at him. 

"Well, the bid is already up to twenty-two fifty, sir," replies the auctioneer. 

"I still say fifteen hundred," says Roger. Sean

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Travis Bow and Eric Nash from The Watchmen Minute

"Am I to be dropped into a vat of molten steel and become part of a new skyscraper?" asks Roger. "Or are you going to ask this female to kiss me again and poison me to death?"

Eve stands up, ready to swing at Roger.  Roger blocks her hand.

"Who are you kidding?" asks Roger. "You have no feelings to hurt."

Eve sits back down in her chair.

Vandamm looks at Roger. 

In the audience, The Professor is seated with another colleague from his earlier office meeting.

"Mister Kaplan," says Vandamm," we have had just about enough of you."

"Then why don't you send for the police?" asks Roger.

Valerian stands at the far end of the auction house.

"Oh, that's the last thing you'd want, isn't it?" asks Roger. "Me, in the hands of the police. There's something I might tell them. And that's the reason you had this one hustle me on the train," he continues, pointing at Eve. 

"Something seems to tell me I've got a much better chance at survival if I go to the police," continues Roger. 

Roger rubs Eve's back. "Goodnight, sweetheart. Don't think it wasn't nice," says Roger, sarcastically. 

Roger walks through the audience, headed for the door. Valerian is at the door. He reaches into his jacket pocket. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Travis Bow and Eric Nash from The Watchmen Minute

"Now, she puts her heart into her work," Roger says to Vandamm. Eve is becoming increasingly annoyed.

"In fact," says Roger, "her whole body."

"Sold, then, to Mister Vandamm at seven hundred," says the auctioneer, pointing at the statue in the auction.

"Oh," says Roger, "Mister Vandamm.

"Has anyone ever told you you overplay your various roles rather too severely?  Mister Kaplan?" says Vandamm. "First, you're the outraged Madison Avenue man, who claims he's been mistaken for someone else. Then, you play the fugitive from justice, supposedly trying to clear his name of a crime he knows he didn't commit. And now you play the peevish lover, stung by jealousy and betrayal. It seems you fellows could stand a little less training from the FBI, and a little more from the Actors Studio."

"Apparently," says Roger, "the only performance that'll satisfy you is when I play dead."

"Your very next role," replies Vandamm. "You'll be quite convincing, I assure you."

Leonard moves in closer to Roger. Next, Leonard walks toward the exit.

"I wonder what subtle form of manslaughter is next on the program," says Roger. 

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"You disappoint me, sir," says VanDamm to Roger. 

"I was just going to say that to her," replies Roger. 

"I've always understood you were a shrewd fellow at your job," says Vandamm. "What possessed you to come blundering in here like this? Could it be an overpowering interest in art?"

"Yes," says Roger, "The art of survival." He looks at Leonard. "Well," says Roger to Leonard, "have you poured any good drunks lately?"

"He followed me here from the hotel," says Eve. 

"He was in your room?" asks Leonard. Eve nods.

"Sure," says Roger, "Isn't everybody?" 

Vandamm looks at Eve, then slowly removes his had from her shoulder.

"Three hundred, thank you. Now the four," says the auctioneer. The auctioneer is holding up an odd Polynesian-looking statue. 

"Do I hear four?" asks the auctioneer. "Four hundred, anyone?"

Vandamm and Leonard look at each other.

"Four hundred is bid. Say the five?" says the auctioneer. " I have four hundred. I have four hundred."

"I didn't realize you were an art collector. I thought you just collected corpses," says Roger, as the auction continues. 

"Five hundred," says Vandamm. Leonard signals the bid to the auctioneer.

"Five hundred, thank you," says the auctioneer. 

"I'll be you paid plenty," says Roger, "for this little piece of sculpture." He looks down at Eve. 

"Now the seven. Seven hundred?" asks the auctioneer. 

"Seven hundred," says Vandamm.

"She's worth every dollar of it," says Roger. "Take it from me."

Eve is getting very annoyed. 

Inside the auction house, van Damm is rubbing the neck and shoulders of Eve, while an auction is taking place. Leonard, leaning against a table, is facing van Damm. 

"Say the three hundred?" asks the auctioneer. "I have three hundred. Four hundred by the little lady. Thank you, sir. Four fifty is bid for the pair. Can I hear five hundred? Will you say five hundred? Can I say the five hundred? Fair warning and last call. Sold to Mister Stone, second row. Four hundred and fifty dollars."

Roger surveys the scene. He sees that van Damm has his hands on Eve's shoulders. 

"And now lot number one oh three," says the auctioneer. "Ah, this lovely Aubusson settee. In excellent condition. Please start the bidding. How much? " 

Roger walks over to where Even and van Damm are seated, while the auction continues. 

"Eight hundred is offered, thank you. Eight hundred is bid. Say the nine? Go nine hundred? Nine hundred is bid. Now, who'll say one thousand?  One thanousand, thank you. One thousand at one thousand. Say eleven hundred?"

Leonard notices Roger first, then van Damm. Van Damm squeezes Eve's shoulder.

"The three of you together," says Roger. Eve looks up, shocked. 

"Now, that's a picture only Charles Addams could draw," says Roger. 

"Good evening, Mister Kaplan," says Van Damm. 

"Before we start calling each other names, you better tell me yours," says Roger. "I haven't had the pleasure."

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Eve slips out of the hotel room while Roger pretends to be taking a shower. He whistles "Singin' in the Rain" until he hears the door close, then steps out of the bathroom.

Sitting on the bed, he rubs the edge of a pencil over the hotel notepad, revealing the address "1212 N. Michigan" on the imprint. 

Later, Roger takes a cab to 1212 N. Michigan. He enters the building. There's a large sign in the entranceway, saying "AUCTION - TONIGHT 8:00PM Furniture and Objet d'Art, from the collection of Dr. Orlando Mendoza."

Inside the auction house, van Damm is rubbing the neck and shoulders of Eve, while an auction is taking place. Leonard, leaning against a table, is facing van Damm. 

"This magnificent pair of Louis XVI fauteuils," announces the auctioneer, "Original gilt finish. Upholstered in pure silk damask. How much may I say to start? What am I bid?"

"One hundred," says a woman.

"One hundred is bid," replies the auctioneer. "Thank you. One fifty is bid here. Say the two hundred? Thank you - two hundred is bid."

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Travis Bow and Eric Nash from The Watchmen Minute

After Roger chastises Eve for being able to “tease a man to death,” he heads for the shower. 

Someone buzzes the hotel room door. 

“Be with you in a minute!” calls Eve. She picks up Roger’s suit jacket from the bed and knocks on the bathroom door.

”Trousers, please,” says Eve. Roger opens the door and hands over his pants. She opens the hotel door and hands the suit to a valet. 

“I think I’ll take that cold shower after all,” says Roger through the bathroom door. 

“Good!” says Eve, in a falsely happy tone. While Roger whistles in the shower, Eve grabs her coat and purse, and heads toward the door. She looks at the pile of Roger’s personal effects from his pocket, and notices the photo he had of Van Damm that he picked up at the Plaza Hotel room of Kaplan. 

Roger is watching this from the bathroom, pretending to take a shower but still wearing all his remaining clothes. 

Eve puts the photo down and reaches for the hotel room door. 

]]>

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Travis Bow and Eric Nash from The Watchmen Minute

After Roger chastises Eve for being able to “tease a man to death,” he heads for the shower. 

Someone buzzes the hotel room door. 

“Be with you in a minute!” calls Eve. She picks up Roger’s suit jacket from the bed and knocks on the bathroom door.

”Trousers, please,” says Eve. Roger opens the door and hands over his pants. She opens the hotel door and hands the suit to a valet. 

“I think I’ll take that cold shower after all,” says Roger through the bathroom door. 

“Good!” says Eve, in a falsely happy tone. While Roger whistles in the shower, Eve grabs her coat and purse, and heads toward the door. She looks at the pile of Roger’s personal effects from his pocket, and notices the photo he had of Van Damm that he picked up at the Plaza Hotel room of Kaplan. 

Roger is watching this from the bathroom, pretending to take a shower but still wearing all his remaining clothes. 

Eve puts the photo down and reaches for the hotel room door. 

]]> http://www.hitchcockminute.com/cm/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/nxnw085.jpg Minute 085: Trousers, Please false no 14:10 No no http://www.hitchcockminute.com/cm/podcast/minute-084-sponged-and-pressed/ Thu, 30 Apr 2020 00:05:00 +0000 http://www.hitchcockminute.com/cm/?post_type=podcast&p=496

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: Travis Bow and Eric Nash from The Watchmen Minute

Roger is talking to the hotel valet on the phone.

"Where are we?" Roger asks Eve.

"Four Sixty Three," replies Eve.

"Room Four Six Three," repeats Roger. "How quickly can you get a suit sponged and pressed? Yes, fast. Twenty minutes? Fine. Okay, Four Six Three." He hangs up the phone. 

"He'll be right up," Roger tells Eve, and begins emptying his suit pockets.  

"Better take your things off," says Eve. 

"Yeah," says Roger, walking to the other side of the bed. He stands behind Eve, who's putting on lipstick in the mirror. "Now, what can a man do with his clothes off for twenty minutes? Couldn't he have taken an hour?" He turns Eve to face him.

"You can always take a cold shower," says Eve.

"That's right," says Roger, as Eve removes his suit jacket. "You know, when I was a little boy, I wouldn't even let my mother undress me."

"You're a big boy now," says Eve, tossing his jacket on the bed. 

"Yes," agrees Roger. She reaches for his belt, but he holds onto her hands. 

"Tell me," says Roger. "How does a girl like you get to be a girl like you?"

"Lucky, I guess?" replies Eve, smiling.

"Oh, not lucky," says Roger. "Naughty. Wicked. Up to no good. Ever kill anyone? Because I bet you could tease a man to death without half trying."  He touches her face. She's no longer smiling. "So stop trying," says Roger. 

“And that’s all there was,” says Eve, talking to Roger in her hotel room. “And that’s all there is. There isn’t going to be anything more between us. So please: goodbye, good luck, no conversation – – just leave. “

“Right away?” asks Roger.

“Yes,” says Eve. 

” No questions asked?” continues Roger.

“Yes,” says Eve. 

“No, I can’t do that,” replies Roger. 

“Please,” says Eve. 

“After dinner,” says Roger.

“Now,” says Eve.

“After dinner,” repeats Roger. “Fair is fair.”

“Alright,” says Eve. “on one condition: that you let the hotel valet do something with this suit first. You belong in the stockyards looking like that.”

“Okay,” says Roger.

“There’s the phone,” says Eve.

Roger picks up the phone. “Hello? Valet service, please.  – – Valet? Yes we’re in  – where are we?”

THIS WEEK'S HOSTS: Travis Bow and Eric Nash from The Watchmen Minute

"Sure," says Roger. "You're my little helper, aren't you?"

Eve hands him a drink. "To us," says Roger. "To a long and lasting friendship." He clinks their glasses together. "Meaning from now on, I'm not going to let you out of my sight, sweetheart."

"I'm afraid you'll have to," replies Eve. 

"Oh no," says Roger. 

"I do have plans of my own, you know," says Eve. "And you do have problems."

"Well, wouldn't it be nice if my problems and your plans were somehow - - connected?" says Roger. "Then, we could always stay close to each other, and not have to go off in separate directions. Togetherness - you know what I mean?"

The telephone rings. Eve doesn't move to answer it.

"Well, go ahead," says Roger. "It can't be for me." Roger makes a move toward the phoe but Eve moves in front of him to answer the call.

"Hello?" says Eve into the phone. "Yes. No, not yet, I'm not ready. What time? I'll meet you. What's the address?"

Roger spots a copy of the evening Chicago Daily Sun-Times newspaper, with the headline: “TWO DIE AS CROP-DUSTER PLANE CRASHES AND BURNS”

The subheading says “Low Flying Craft Hits Oil Tanker; Truck Drivers Escape Holocaust.”

“How did it go today?” asks Eve, pouring drinks. 

“The meeting… with Kaplan?” asks Roger. 

“Uh-huh,” replies Eve.

“He didn’t show up,” says Roger, icily. 

“Oh?” says Eve.

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” says Roger. 

“Well, why funny?” asks Eve. 

“Oh, after all those involved and explicit directions he gave you on the phone,” says Roger. 

“Maybe I copied them down wrong,” says Eve. 

“No, I don’t think you got them wrong,” says Roger. “I think you sent me to the right place, alright.” 

“Well, why don’t you call him back, and see what happened,” replies Eve, uneasily. 

“I did,” says Roger. “He checked out. Went to South Dakota.”

“South Dakota?” asks Eve. 

“Mm-hmm,” replies Roger. “Rapid City.”

“Well, what are you going to do next?” asks Eve.

“Oh, I haven’t made my mind up yet,” replies Roger. “It may depend on you.”

“On me?” says Eve, carrying the drinks. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: HAL BRYAN AND JIM O’KANE OF THE ROCKETEER MINUTE

Roger heads for the hotel elevator. 

Upstairs, he arrives at room four sixty-three and listens at the door.  Hearing nothing, he presses the doorbell. 

Eve answers the door, looking shocked.

"Hello," says Roger.  He steps inside. Eve closes the door. 

Roger turns around and looks at her. "Surprised?" he asks, smiling.

Eve pauses. "Yes," she replies. 

"No getting rid of me, is there?" says Roger.  Eve responds by running to his arms and hugging him. Roger, confused by this reaction, slowly puts his arms around her.  "I could use a drink," he says. 

"I have some Scotch," says Eve, not looking at him. she walks toward a table. 

"With water - - no ice," continues Roger. Eve reaches for the Scotch. Roger ponders her reactions.

“Seven ten?” asks Roger. “Then, how come I got a message from him at nine…”

“What’s that?” asks the desk clerk. Roger realizes Eve gave him the message. 

“Nothing, nothing,” replies Thornhill. He spots Eve on the other side of the lobby. Eve doesn’t notice him. She steps onto an elevator and heads upstairs. Roger notes that the elevator stops at the fourth floor. 

Roger turns to the desk clerk. “Sorry to bother you again,” says Thornhill.

“Uh-huh?” replies the clerk.

“Miss Eve Kendall is expecting me. She’s in room four something-or-other, I forget the number. Would you mind?” asks Roger. 

The clerk looks up the room number. “She’s in four sixty-three,” he replies.

“Ah yes,” says Roger, “That’s right, thanks.” Thornhill heads for the elevator. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: HAL BRYAN AND JIM O’KANE OF THE ROCKETEER MINUTE

Chicago Police continue to examine the abandoned pickup truck in front of Grant Park. 

A mile north across the street from the Ambassador East Hotel, Roger wipes the dust off his hands and face with a handkerchief. He crosses the street and heads for the lobby. 

A woman walks her poodle toward the door as Roger approaches the front desk. 

The desk clerk looks with surprise at Roger's disheveled state. "Yes?" asks the clerk.

 "Could you let me have Mister George Kaplan's room number, please?" asks Thornhill.

"Kaplan?" asks the clerk. 

"Yeah," replies Roger. 

"I think he checked out," says the clerk, looking through a stack of cards. 

"That's right," says the clerk. "Checked out at seven ten this morning."

"Seven ten - - are you sure?" asks Thornhill.

"Yes," says the clerk. "Left a forwarding address: Hotel Sheraton Johnston, Rapid City, South Dakota." The clerk holds the card out to Roger to see the information. 

"Seven ten!" repeats Roger. 

"Checked out?" asks Roger. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: HAL BRYAN AND JIM O’KANE OF THE ROCKETEER MINUTE

Roger extracts himself from underneath the burning Freightliner. The two Magnum Oil employees scramble out of the cab. 

"Get out of here!" yells the Magnum driver. "The other tank may blow!" The Magnum employees run toward the cornfield. 

Roger lurches south on Highway 41 as explosions continue behind him. 

A 1948 Dodge stepside pickup truck and a 1946 Ford Custom sedan pull to the side of the road in the northbound lane. 

"What happened?" asks the pickup truck driver. Roger waves his hands and mumbles, backing slowly away from the scene. The four passengers of the truck and the truck look on at the flames, while Roger casually walks to the pickup truck. 

Thornhill climbs into the pickup truck and makes a U-turn. The owner of the truck runs after him, yelling "Hey! Come back! Come back! Hey!"

Roger, in the truck, recedes southbound in the distance. 

Later that night in Chicago, a police officer examines the now-abandoned pickup truck, parked on East Congress Plaza Drive, across the street from the Bowman and the Spearman statue. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: HAL BRYAN AND JIM O’KANE OF THE ROCKETEER MINUTE

Roger hears the biplane circling back over the cornfield. The plane begins to lay down a stream of pesticide, chemicals.

Thornhill ducks, and begins choking on the white, powdery haze. From the cornfield, he spots a tandem oil truck headed south on the highway.  The biplane circles overhead for another run. 

Roger runs out to the middle of the highway, waving his arms. The Freightliner truck honks its horn several times. Thornhill stands his ground in the truck's path. The front of the tandem truck looms closer. Thornhill falls to the ground, between the front wheels of the oil truck. 

The biplane, too fast and low to maneuver, slams into the second oil trailer, bursting into flames. The tail number N45091 is visible along the fuselage. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: HAL BRYAN AND JIM O’KANE OF THE ROCKETEER MINUTE

Thornhill, alone in an open field, breaks into a run, the biplane diving and closing fast. He drops to the ground as the aircraft passes overhead, a spray of bullets landing around him. 

Roger spies a stand of corn stalks nearby. He scrambles to his feet to make it to the corn rows. The biplane turns back toward Thornhill's location as he makes it to the corn. 

Hunkered down in the corn, Roger hears the biplane pass overhead. He smiles as he watches the plane recede in the distance.

The biplane lines up to make another run at the cornfield. 

At the last moment, Thornhill realizes the plane is aiming straight for his head. He drops to the ground as the biplane flies over him. 

Roger watches the plane recede in the distance, only to see it execute a wingover and head back for him. He dives into a ditch as bullets strafe the ground next to him.

Roger watches the plane bank into the beginning of an S-curve. He sees a car headed south on the highway. 

Thornhill tries to flag down the car but the Chevrolet drives past him. He’s alone again on the road. 

The biplane heads back towards him, and begins to dive. 

THIS WEEK’S HOSTS: HAL BRYAN AND JIM O’KANE OF THE ROCKETEER MINUTE

The man at Prairie Crossing points out that his bus is "right on time." In the distance, the 1950 Flxible VisiCoach bus approaches. 

The man looks out at the aircraft flying over a nearby field. "That's funny," he says. 

"What?" asks Roger. 

"That plane's dusting crops where there ain't no crops," replies the man.  As he points this out, the plane continues to lay down a stream of white smoke. 

The bus pulls up at the Indiana Route 41 stop, and the man steps into the bus, briefly glancing back at Thornhill. The bus door closes, and Roger is again left alone on the roadside. 

Roger looks at his watch, and then turns to regard the biplane, which now makes a sharp turn toward where he's standing. The plane dives to a low altitude, surprising Roger. 

THIS WEEK'S HOSTS: HAL BRYAN AND JIM O'KANE OF THE ROCKETEER MINUTE

Thornhill regards the man standing across from him at Prairie Crossing. Roger unbuttons his suit jacket and puts his hands on his hips. The man stares back, his own hands on his hips.  Roger looks up the highway, then crosses the street towards the man. 

"Hi," says Roger. "Hot day."

"Seen worse," says the man.

"Are you supposed to be meeting someone here?" asks Thornhill.

"Waitin' for the bus," replies the man. "Due any minute."

"Oh," says Roger. A plane buzzes in the distance. 

"Some of them crop duster pilots get rich," says the man. "if they live long enough."

"Yeah," says Roger. "Then your name isn't Kaplan?"

"Can't say it is, 'cause it ain't," says the man. A bus appears down the highway. "Here she comes, right on -"

A passing semi blew dust all over Roger. He wipes his eyes. 

Looking east, he notices a car that’s appeared from behind the row of cornstalks. 

Roger watches intently as the car pulls onto the dirt road that heads toward the highway.

The car gets closer. It’s a 1940 Chevrolet Master De Luxe. 

A man gets out of the car, and then the woman driving the car backs up the dirt road. She makes a U-Turn and heads back down the dirt road. 

The man on the other side of the highway puts his hands in his pockets and looks south. Then, he looks at Roger. 

Roger and the man regard each other from opposite sides of the highway. They say nothing.

Nothing much is happening at Prairie Stop 41. A 1954 Mercury Monterey just passed by Roger without stopping. Roger watches it head south in the distance. 

Looking northeast, nothing in the view has changed – – just empty prairie to the horizon. 

Looking south, another car approaches. It’s a 1954 Cadillac Fleetwood. Roger leans forward expectantly, but the car continues north. Roger watches it fade in the distance. 

Now from the north, a tractor-trailer approaches. It’s a 1949 GMC HF series truck. “Zephyr Van Lines” is painted on the trailer. 

The truck passes Roger at full speed, blowing dust around him. 

THIS WEEK'S HOSTS: David Forsythe and Todd Lucas from The Edge of Tomorrow Minute

The Greyhound bus pulls away. 

Roger looks across the featureless landscape. No one is around. 

Th Greyhound bus disappears in the distance. 

Roger looks north. A barbed wire fence runs along the edge of tilled soil. 

Roger looks East. More endless prairie. 

To the West, an aircraft is crop dusting in the distance. 

Roger sticks his hands in his pockets and looks to the southeast. Dry cornstalks stand in a field. The northbound bus stop is across the highway, a dirt road intersecting the highway to the east.

From the north, a 1954 Mercury Monterey closes in. Roger watches the car as it passes without stopping. 

Roger touches Eve’s hand has he passes her the luggage. 

“Wait a minute,” says Roger. “Please.”

“They’re coming,” says Eve, looking behind Roger. A squad of police officers stand at the entrance to La Salle Street Station. 

Roger walks away. Eve watches him go. 

The scene dissolves to a barren field, seen from above. The field stretches to the horizon. A Greyhound bus pulls up to Prairie Stop 41. 

A lone figure gets out of the bus, and then the Greyhound moves on.

Eve has instructions for Roger.

“Take the Greyhound bus that leaves Chicago for Indianapolis at 2:00 and ask the driver to let you off at Prairie Stop, Highway 41,” says Eve.

“Uh-huh,” says Roger. “Prairie Stop, Highway 41. Good.”

“It’s about an hour-and-a-half’s drive from Chicago,” says Eve.

“Fine,” says Roger. “I’ll rent a car.”

“No car,” says Eve. “Mr. Kaplan said bus. He wants to be sure you’re alone.”

“All right,” says Roger. “What’ll I do when I get there?”

“Just wait beside the road,” says Eve. “He’ll be there at 3:30.”

“How will I know him?” asks Roger.

“He’ll know you,” replies Eve. “You made the Chicago papers, too.”

“Ahh, yeah,” nods Roger. 

“Have you got your watch set for Central Time?” asks Eve.

“Yes, I did that,” says Roger. “Thanks.” Roger looks at Eve closely. “What’s the matter?” he asks. 

“Matter?” repeats Eve.

“Yes,” says Roger. “You seem — I don’t know. You seem tense.”

“You know, you’d better go before the police run out of redcaps,” says Eve.

“We’ll see each other again, won’t we?” asks Roger.

“Sometime, I’m sure,” says Eve.

“I never had a moment to thank you properly,” says Roger.

“Please go,” says Eve. 

“But where will I find you?” asks Roger.

“I’ve got to pick up my bags now,” says Eve.

“Ah yes, well, these are the checks for the large cases,” says Roger.

THIS WEEK'S HOSTS: David Forsythe and Todd Lucas from The Edge of Tomorrow Minute

Leonard and Eve go their separate ways. 

Eve tears out a page from her notepad, then looks around. She spots Roger leaving the men's room, and walks to meet up with him. 

Meanwhile, an announcer calls out a train.

"The New York Special, departing at 10 AM, Chicago Daylight Time, for Michigan City, Niles, Dowagiac, Lawton, Kalamazoo, Battle Creek, Marshall, Albion, Jackson, Ann Arbor, Ypsilanti,  and Detroit. Now ready on Track Number Six"

"Well, what took you so long?" asks Eve.

"Well, big face, small razor," replies Roger. "Tell me: did you get Kaplan?" 

"Yes," says Eve.

"Fine," says Roger."What did he say?"

"Well, he'll see you, but not at the hotel under any circumstances," says Eve. "He'll see you on the outside."

"Well, where and when?" asks Roger.

"Oh, I've got it all written down for you," says Eve, pulling out the piece of paper. 

"Oh, thanks, good," says Roger, taking the paper. 

"You're to take the-" begins Eve. 

Roger uses the tiny travel shaving brush to cover his face iwth lather, while police rush through the men’s room, looking for him.

He finishes lathering, and starts to shave with the tiny travel razor from Eve’s roomette. The man shaving next to him with a normal straightedge razor watches him, puzzled.  Roger shaves a tiny square under his nose.

In the station, Eve is talking into a pay phone. Her words are inaudible but she nods her head. 

The camera tracks along the row of tlelephone booths. At the far end, Leonard is talking into a phone. 

Eve and Leonard both hang up their phones and leave their phone booths at the same time, without looking at each other. 

“You know, you’re the smartest girl I ever spent the night with on a train,” says Roger. 

Eve smiles, then drops her smile as Van Damm and Leonard pass nearby. 

“I think we made it,” says Roger as they reach the end of the station platform. 

Meanwhile, the detective, the deputy, and the two detectives find a man in long underwear getting off the train. It’s the Red Cap whose uniform Roger is wearing. 

“Where did he go?” asks the detective. 

“Which way did he go?” asks the deputy.

“Where did he go?” asks the policeman.

“I don’t know,” says the Red Cap. “He took my clothes and went up that way!” He points toward the station. The men run off. 

The Red Cap reaches into his undershirt and pulls out a wad of bills. He begins counting the money.

Inside the station, the law enforcement officers are spinning dozens of Red Caps around to see if any of them are Roger. The Red Caps are surprised and annoyed. 

In the men’s room, Roger has his suit pants and undershirt on, and has completely lathered his face. He’s attempting to shave with the tiny travel razor he picked up in Eve’s roomette. Two detectives from the train rush in, look around, and then rush out of the room.

Roger (disguised as a Red Cap)  and Eve are making their way into the La Salle Street train station.

“First we have to run the gauntlet,” says Eve. “Look.”

A Chicago police officer, a Cook County Sheriff, and two detectives watch Eve as she passes by them on the platform. 

“I’m accustomed to having a load on,but what have you got in these bags?” asks Roger. 

“Bowling balls, naturally,” replies Eve.

“Oh, naturally,” repeats Roger. 

“Which one of these has my suit in it?” asks Roger. 

“The small one underneath your right arm,” replies Eve.

“Oh, thanks. That ought to do the suit a lot of good,” says Roger. 

“I’m sure Mr. Kaplan won’t mind a few wrinkles,” says Eve.

“Yeah, if he’s still there,” says Roger. “What time is it?”

“Nine-ten,” replies Eve.

“Nine-ten?” says Roger, “Well, he may have left his hotel room by now!”

“I’ll call him for you as soon as we get inside the station,” says Eve. 

“Thank you, but I can do it,” says Roger. 

“A redcap in a phone booth?” replies Eve. “Slightly suspicious.”

“I know,” Roger admits. “Well, all right. What are you going to tell him? Do you know what?”

“Mm-hmm,” says Eve. “You want to see him right away, terribly urgent. Matter of life-and-death. No explanations.”

“Right,” agrees Roger.

“And while I’m calling, you go change your clothes,” says Eve.

“Now, where do you propose I do that?” asks Roger. “In Marshall Field’s window?”

“I sort of had the men’s room in mind.” replies Eve. 

“Did you, now?” says Roger. 

THIS WEEK'S HOSTS: David Forsythe and Todd Lucas from The Edge of Tomorrow Minute

Leonard hands Eve's note to Van Damm, who smiles.

The camera pans outside to a view of the Hudson River, as the 20th Century Limited approaches Breakneck Tunnel in Fishkill, New York. 

The next morning, Electromotive Divsion E8 # 4044 of the New York Central Railroad is parked at La Salle Street Station in Chicago. 

Eve steps out of the train, while Roger, dressed in a Red Cap uniform, carries her luggage. 

The two detectives who interviewed her the previous evening approach, walking past the sleeper car labeled "Imperial State 10006."

"You keep walking," says Eve to Roger. "I'll catch up."

"Yes, ma'am," says Roger, walking past the detectives. 

"Anything to report, Miss Kendall?" asks the detective. 

"Why yes," says Eve, "I had a fine night's sleep."

"No, I mean," replies the detective. "Have you seen the man we're looking for?"

"Oh, Mister Thornycroft?" asks Eve.

"Thornhill," corrects the detective. 

"Oh no, no, I'm awfully sorry," replies Eve. "but good luck to you both." Eve walks past the detectives and catches up with Roger. 

"How are we doing?" says Eve.

"I may collapse at any moment," says Roger, struggling under the weight of the luggage. 

"Well, not yet," says Eve.

HOSTS: PETE THE RETAILER AND ALEX ROBINSON OF THE STAR WARS MINUTE

After the porter leaves, Roger and Eve are sitting on the bed.

"Nice of him to have opened the bed," says Roger.

"Yes," agrees Eve.

"Only one bed," says Roger. 

"Yes," says Eve. 

"That's a good omen, don't you think?" asks Roger.

"Wonderful," replies Eve.

"Do you know what that means?" asks Roger.

Eve nods.

"What?" asks Roger. "Tell me."

"It means you're going to sleep on the floor," replies Eve. Roger holds her tightly. Eve looks at the door, thinking. 

Later, the porter walks down the sleeper car corridor. He rings a buzzer to a room.

"A message from the lady in Thirty Nine Oh One," he says to an unseen man, who takes a piece of paper from the porter. 

"WHAT DO I DO WITH HIM IN THE MORNING? EVE" says the message.  The camera pulls back, revealing that the recipient is Leonard. He passes the note to  - - Van Damm. 

Eve holds out a berth key to the porter. “I found this on the floor,” she says. “Does it belong to you?”

“Yes, ma’am,” says the porter. “I’ve been looking all over for it.”

“I’ll wait outside,” says Eve.

“Thank you,” says the porter. 

In the roomette lavatory, Roger examines travel-sized toiletries.  There’s a tiny shaving brush, and an even tinier safety razor. 

“Thank you, Porter,” says Eve, as the porter leaves. 

“Thank you, ma’am,” replies the porter. “Good night now.”

“Good night,” says Eve. The door closes.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” says Eve through the lavatory door. 

“The porter,” explains Eve. She sits on the bed.

“So I see,” says Roger, turning off the light. 

“Where were we?” asks Roger. 

“Here,” replies Eve. She kisses him. 

“Ah, yes,” says Roger. 

HOSTS: PETE THE RETAILER AND ALEX ROBINSON OF THE STAR WARS MINUTE

"And taste in women," says Roger. "I like your flavor."

"You're very clever with words," replies Eve. "You can probably make them do anything for you -  - sell people things they don't need, make women who don't know you fall in love with you."

"I'm beginning to think I'm underpaid," says Roger. 

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. 

"Look out," says Roger, and hides himself in the washroom. 

Eve turns on the overhead lights, and opens the door. It's the New York Central porter.

"Oh, Porter," says Eve, "Don't bother with the washroom."

"Yes, ma'am," replies the porter.

"By the way - -" begins Eve.

Eve poses the idea that maybe Roger is planning to murder her, right here, tonight.“Shall I?” asks Roger.“Please do,” replies Eve. They kiss. Then, Roger looks at her. “Beats flying, doesn’t it?” says Roger. “We should stop,” says Eve. “Immediately,” agrees Roger. They don’t stop.“I ought to know more about you,” says Eve.“Well, what more could you know?” asks Roger. They kiss again. “You’re an advertising man, that’s all I know.” says Eve.“That’s right,” says Roger. He lurches a bit. “The train’s a little unsteady.”“Who isn’t?” replies Eve. “What else do you know?” asks Roger. “You’ve got taste in clothes, taste in food…” replies Eve. 

Sunset on the 20th Century Limited fades into night. 

Roger is holding Eve in his arms. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” says Eve. “It’s not safe for you to roam around Chicago, looking for this George Kaplan man you’ve been telling me about, because you’ll be picked up by the police the moment you show your face…”

“Such a nice face, too,” says Roger. 

“Now, don’t you think it’ll be a better idea if you stayed in my hotel room, while I located him for you? Brought him to you?” asks Eve. 

“Can’t let you get involved,” replies Roger. “It’s too dangerous.”

Eve laughs. “I’m a big girl,” she says.

“Yeah,” nods Roger, “and in all the right places, too.” They kiss.

“You know, this is ridiculous,” says Eve.”You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes,” says Roger.

“I mean, we’ve hardly met,” says Eve. 

“That’s right,” agrees Roger. 

“How do I know you aren’t a murderer?” asks Eve.

“You don’t,” replies Roger.

“Maybe you’re planning to murder me, right here?” asks Eve.

“I intend to lock my door, so I doubt if I’ll see him or anyone else tonight,” says Eve.

“Well, just in case you do, we’ll be in the observation car at the rear of the train,” replies the detective. 

“It’s comforting to know that,” says Eve. “Good night.” The detectives shut the door behind them. 

“Still breathing?” Eve whispers to the closed upper berth. 

“Either hurry up, or get me a snorkel!” replies Roger. 

Eve reaches for her handbag. “I’m looking for the can opener I stole from the porter,” says Eve. She turns the key in the berth lock, and the berth pops open, with Roger sprawled across the bed. 

“Hello there!” says Eve.

“Hello,” replies Roger, looking as his now-broken pair of sunglasses. “Tell me: why are you so good to me?” he says.

“Shall I climb up and tell you why?” replies Eve. 

The scene fades to the 20th Century Limited plying its way along the Hudson River as the sun sets. 

“It’s a wire photo,” says the state police detective. “We just got it from the New York Police.”

“Police?” says Eve. 

“He’s wanted for murder,” says the detective. 

Eve sits up. “Good heavens, no!” she says. 

“Steward said you left the dining car together,” says the detective.

“We might have happened to leave at the same time, but not together,” says Eve.

“What did you two talk about?” asks the detective. 

“Talk about?” repeats Eve.

“Yeah your waiter said you were getting along pretty good with this Thornhill fellow,” says the detective. 

“Is that his name, Thornhill?” asks Eve. 

“You mean, he didn’t tell you?” asks the detective. 

“He didn’t tell me anything,” replies Eve. “All we did was chat about different kinds of food,  train travel versus plane travel, that sort of thing. Rather innocuous, I must say, considering he was a fugitive from justice. Who did he kill?” 

“He didn’t say where he was going, did he?” asks the detective. 

“No,” says Eve, “I assumed Chicago. Do you think perhaps he got off when you got on?”

“Look,” says the detective,”if you happen to catch sight of him again, Miss, uh -” 

“Kendall,” Eve responds.

“Will you let us know?” asks the detective. 

“I’m going to bed soon,” says Eve, “and I’m -“

HOSTS: TOM TAYLOR, PETE MUMMERT, AND GERRY PORTER OFTHE INDIANA JONES MINUTE

Roger drops some money on the dining table and heads out of the dining car. The two police officers question several of the New York Central staff. 

The train begins to move again. 

In Room 3901, Eve is stretched out on the sleeper couch. 

"Think you'd better go out and tell those police to hurry," says Roger, from inside the closed upper berth. 

"Patience is a virtue," says Eve, readding a book. 

"So is breathing!" says Roger. 

"Just lie still," replies Eve. 

"Err, have you got any olive oil?" asks Roger. 

"Olive oil?" replies Eve.

"I want to be packed in olive oil, if I'm going to be a sardine," says Roger. 

There's a knock at the door. 

"Come in," says Eve. Two police detectives enter. "Who are you?" she asks.

"State police," announces one man, holding out a badge. "Your name, please?"

"Eve Kendall," replies Eve. "Is anything wrong?"

 "There was a man at your table tonight, in the dining car," says the detective. 

"Yes," says Eve.

"Friend of yours?" asks the the detective.

"I never saw him before," says Eve. 

"Is this the man?" says the detective, handing Eve a photograph.

"Yes - - I think so," says Eve. "It's not a very clear picture."

“How awkward for you,” says Eve.

“Yes, isn’t it? No place to sleep,” replies Roger.

“I have a large drawing room all to myself,” says Eve.

“That doesn’t seem quite fair, does it?” says Roger.

“Drawing room E. Car 3901,” says Eve.

“Such a nice number,” says Roger.

“It’s easy to remember,” says Eve.

“Thirty-nine oh one,” says Roger.

“See?” says Eve.

“No luggage,” says Roger. 

“So?” says Eve. She glances out the train window.

“Well, you wouldn’t happen to have an extra pair of pajamas, would you?” asks Roger. 

“Wouldn’t I?” asks Eve. “Incidentally, I wouldn’t order any dessert if I were you.”

“I get the message,” says Roger.

“That isn’t exactly what I meant,” says Eve. “This train seems to be making an unscheduled stop, and I just saw two men get out of a police car as we pulled into the station. They weren’t smiling.”

Eve stands up and leaves the dining room. Two men step across the tracks outside. 

Eve is hinting at Roger spending the night in her sleeper car. 

“Yes, I know exactly what you mean,” says Roger. 

Eve reaches for a cigarette. Roger pulls out his personalized matchbook, with the initials “R.O.T.” stamped on the front and back.

Thornhill notices Eve looking at his matchbook cover. “That was my trademark,” explains Roger. “Rot!”

“Roger O. Thornhill,” says Eve. “What does the O stand for?”

“Nothing,” replies Roger, smiling. 

Roger leans forward with a lit match. Eve steadies his hand with her own as she lights her cigarette, blowing a puff of smoke toward the ceiling. Thornhill starts to move his hand back, but Eve pulls the match toward her mouth, blowing it out in a long breath. 

Roger looks extremely pleased with the gesture. Eve smiles. 

“I’d invite you to my bedroom, if I had a bedroom,” says Roger. 

“A roomette?” asks Eve. 

“Nohing,” says Roger. “Not even a ticket. I’ve been playing hide-and-seek with the Pullman conductor ever since the train left New York.”

HOSTS: BRETT STILLO AND JOSH HOROWITZ FROM 5 MINUTES OF BANZAI

Roger and the mysterious woman are seated at dinner, as the 20th Century Limited heads north along the Hudson River.

"Don't you think it's time we were introduced?" asks Roger.

"I'm Eve Kendall. I'm twenty-six and unmarried," says the woman. "Now you know everything."

"Tell me," says Roger, "What do you do, besides lure men to their doom on the Twentieth Century Limited?"

"I'm an industrial designer," says Eve. 

"Jack Phillips," says Roger. "Western Sales Manager for Kingby Electronics."

"No, you're not," says Eve, smiling. "You're Roger Thornhill of Madison Avenue, and you're wanted for murder on every front page in America."

Roger looks at her, shocked.

"Don't be so modest," continues Eve. 

"Oops," says Roger.

"Oh, don't worry," says Eve. "I won't say a word."

"How come?" asks Roger.

"I told you," says Eve. "It's a nice face."

"Is that the only reason?" asks Roger.

"It's going to be a long night," says Eve.

"True," says Roger, nodding his head. 

"I don't particularly like the book I've started," continues Eve.

"Ahh," says Roger.

"You know what I mean?" asks Eve.

"Well, let me think," says Roger.

Roger is explaining to the mysterious blonde woman why honest women frighten him.

“I don’t know, but somehow they seem to put me at a disadvantage,” says Roger.

“Because you’re not honest with them?” asks the woman.

“Exactly,” says Roger.

“Like that business about the seven parking tickets?” asks the woman.

“What I mean is,” says Roger, “the moment I meet an attractive woman, I have to start pretending I have no desire to make love to her.”

“What makes you think you have to conceal it?” asks the woman.

“She might find the idea objectionable,” replies Roger.

“Then again, she might not,” counters the woman. She takes a sip of her coffee.

“Think how lucky I am to be seated here,” says Roger, sipping his Gibson.

“Luck had nothing to do with it,” replies the woman. 

“Fate?” asks Roger.

The woman shakes her head. “I tipped the steward five dollars to seat you here, if you should come in,” she says. They both smile.

“Is that a proposition?” asks Roger.

“I never discuss ‘love’ on an empty stomach,” says the woman. 

“You’ve already eaten,” replies Roger.

“But you haven’t,” says the woman.

The waiter arrives with Roger’s trout.

Roger and the mysterious blonde woman are seated at dinner on the 20th Century Limited. The lower Hudson River passes by the window as they talk. 

“Well, here we are again,” says Roger. 

“Yes,” says the woman.

“Recommend anything?” asks Roger, gesturing at the menu. 

“The Brook trout,” says the woman. “It’s a little trouty, but quite good.”

“Sold,” says Roger, writing it down on the order form. “Brook… Trout…” The waiter brings his Gibson. “There you are, thank you,” says Roger to the waiter, as he hands the man his dinner order.

“Yes sir,” says the waiter.

Roger looks around nervously, and then looks at the woman again. 

“I know,” he says, “I look vaguely familiar.”

“Yes,” says the woman.

“You feel you’ve seen me somewhere before,” says Roger.

“Mm-hmm,” says the woman, nodding.

“Funny how I have that effect on people,” says Roger. “It’s something about my face.”

“It’s a nice face,” says the woman, smiling.

“You think so?” asks Roger.

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t,” replies the woman.

“Oh, you’re that type,” says Roger.

“What type?” asks the woman.

Roger takes off his sunglasses. “Honest,” he says.

“Not really,” says the woman.

“Good,” says Roger, “because honest women frighten me.”

“Why?” asks the woman.

Two conductors on the 20th Century Limited are doing passenger counts in front of the smoking room’s toilet door. They walk toward the next coach. 

Roger Thornhill steps out of the toilet after they pass, and doubles back past the bartender.  He spots a newspaper with his face on the front page, and quickly flips it over, and stacks a few magazines on top of the newspaper. 

Entering the dining car, the head waiter greets him.

“Good evening, sir,” says the head waiter. “One?”

“Please,” replies Thornhill.

They walk to the far end of the dining car, where Roger finds himself seated across from the helpful blonde woman. 

“Cocktail before dinner?” asks the waiter. 

“Yes, please,” says Roger. “A Gibson.”

“Right away,” says the waiter, as he hands Roger a menu. 

Roger looks at the menu, then glances up at the woman. He glances up at her again. Roger smiles at her.

The blonde lady deflects the police officer to the next car. 

“Alll aboard!” shouts the conductor.  Roger steps out of the sleeper. 

“Thank you,” says Roger. 

“That’s quite alright,” says the woman. 

“Seven parking tickets,” explains Roger, gesturing to where the police had left. 

“Oh,” says the woman, smiling. She walks down the passageway.

Roger glances out the window, seeing the legs of the police officers on the famous 20th Century Limited red carpet. 

The train leaves Grand Central, the scene dissolving to a view of Spuyten Duyvil, where the Harlem River meets the Hudson River. 

In the smoking lounge car, conductors are checking tickets. The two conductors pause in front of a toilet door. 

Roger Thornhill reaches Track 34, the entrance to the 20th Century Limited. 

“Tickets, please,” says a conductor at the entrance. 

“No, I’m just seeing some friends off,” says Roger, hurriedly. He spies two police officers headed his way.

“Sorry, I’ll have to know the name and space before I can let you through,” says the conductor, as Roger jumps past him down the entryway. “Just a minute! Hey! Come here!” yells the conductor after him.

Running quickly past a sleeper car (The Imperial State 10006), Roger ducks into the entrance to another car. 

He trots down an empty hallway next to the sleeping rooms. Looking out a window, he spies the two police officers entering the car ahead of him.

Roger doubles back the other way, and bumps into a blonde woman in the passageway.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says Roger, as he tries to pass by the woman.

“My fault,” says the woman. They continue to block each other’s way as they try to pass. 

The blonde woman notices the police officers behind a red hat at the other end of the passageway. Roger turns, sees them as well, and ducks into the blonde woman’s room. Roger closes the door behind him, leaving the blonde woman alone in the passageway.

“He went that way,” says the blonde woman to the police officers. “I think he got off.”

Roger, wearing sunglasses, crosses the main concourse of Grand Central Terminal to ticket window 15. 

“Yeah?” says the ticket agent. 

“Give me a bedroom on the 20th Century, please,” says Roger. 

“It’s leaving in five minutes,” replies the ticket agent.

“Yes, I know,” says Roger. “Can you make it snappy?”

“I think they’re all sold out,” says the ticket agent.

“Sold out?” says Roger. 

“You can always go coach,” says the ticket agent.

“No, I can’t do that,” replies Roger. “What time is the next train?”

“Nothing until ten o’clock,” replies the ticket agent. “You’re in a hurry, huh?”

“Could you call them and see what they have?” asks Roger, looking around. 

“Something wrong with your eyes?” asks the ticket agent.

“Yes, they’re sensitive to questions, ” replies Roger. “Will you call them?”

“Sure. Sure,” says the ticket agent, looking at a copy of the photo of Roger with the knife, taken at the UN a few hours ago. The photo is out of view for Roger. “Don’t go away,” the ticket agent says.

The ticket agent walks behind a row of ticket printing plates. Picking up the phone, he dials a number. Quietly, he says “He’s at Window 15, upper level. Hurry,” and hangs up.

Returning to the window, the ticket agent puts on a false voice of relief. “You’re in luck, Mister!” he says – – but Roger has left. 

HOSTS: BRETT STILLO AND JOSH HOROWITZ FROM 5 MINUTES OF BANZAI

Roger is talking to his mother, on a phone in Grand Central Terminal. 

"Well, I can't go to the police!" says Roger. "At least, not yet. Well, you saw the newspapers. My fingerprints are on the knife. I'm a car thief, a drunk driver, and I murdered a man for revenge. I wouldn't have a chance. And I won't have, until I find George Kaplan - - who obviously knows what this is about. No dear, the train. It's safer. Well, because there's no place to hide on a plane if anyone should recognize me! Oh, you want me to jump off a moving plane? Yes, well, thank you so much, Mother. Yeah, well, goodbye."

Roger steps out of the phone booth, bumping into another man who's trying to get into the phone booth next. Roger realizes he could be recognized, and quickly steps out of the way.

As he crosses past the Information booth, he spies the headline of a newspaper a man is reading: "MANHUNT ON FOR U.N. KILLER." 

A railroad announcer intones over the PA system: "Attention please: New York Central Railroad, Train Number Twenty Five, the 20th Century Limited, due to leave at six P.M..."

Roger slips on a pair of dark sunglasses while two police officers scan the crowd near the Information booth. A sign on the Information booth announces a discontinuation of train service between New York and New Rochelle, effective Monday, August 18, 1958. Roger walks toward the New York Central ticket booths. 

“Very well,” says The Professor. “If we make the slightest move to suggest there is no such agent as George Kaplan, give any hint to Vandamm he’s pursuing a decoy instead of our own agent, then our agent, working right under Vandamm’s very nose will immediately face suspicion, exposure – – and assassination, like the two others who went before.”

Mrs. Finley looks at the others. “Goodbye Mr. Thornhill – – wherever you are.”

The  scene fades to the main concourse of Grand Central Terminal in Manhattan. Crowds are marching across the large open space. Police officers are searching for Thornhill.

“New York Central Railroad,” intones an announcer, “Train Twenty Five – The 20th Century Limited – due to leave at six PM, for Chicago, will depart from track number – – “

Thornhill is in a phone booth at the edge of the Main Concourse, talking to his mother. 

“Yes, yes,” says Roger. “Yes, dear. I know. Now, listen to me, Mother, I beg you! I called the Plaza. Kaplan checked out and went to the Ambassador East in Chicago. Yes, that’s why I’m…”

The Professor and four United States Intelligence Agency workers are gathered at a meeting, discussing Roger Thornhill. 

“Our non-existent decoy,” says The Professor, “George Kaplan, created to divert suspicion from our actual agent, has fortuitously become a live decoy.”

“Yes, Professor,” replies Mrs. Finley, “But how long do you think he’ll stay alive?”

“Well, that’s his problem,” says The Professor. 

“What Mrs. Finley means is -” begins another agent.

“Oh, I know what she means,” says The Professor.

“We can’t sit back calmly and wait to see who kills him first! Vandamm and company or the police?” asks another agent.

“What can we do to save him without endangering our own agent?” replies The Professor.

“Aren’t we being just a wee bit callous?” says Mrs. Finley.

“No, my dear woman,” replies The Professor,”we’re not being callous. We didn’t invent our non-existent man and give him the name of George Kaplan, establish elaborate behavior patterns for him, move his prop belongings in and out of hotel rooms, for our own private amusement. We created George Kaplan and labored successfully to convince Vandamm that this was our own agent, hot on his trail, for a desperately important reason.”

“Check,” says a third agent.

“Nobody’s denying that!” says the first agent. 

HOSTS: Jonathan Howell and Chris Ramirez of the Minute Impossible Podcast

Four men and a woman are seated around a meeting room table in the Washington DC offices of the United States Intelligence Agency. One of the men is reading aloud from the Washington Evening Star newspaper. 

"...and in his defense he charged that the murder victim, Mr. Townsend had tried to kill him the night before," concludes the reading man. 

"Brother!" says another man. 

"What about that?" asks a third man.

"Does anyone know this Thornhill?" asks the woman.

"No, not me," says one of the men.

"Never heard of him," adds another. 

"Professor?" asks the woman, turning to an elderly man with glasses seated at the head of the table.  The Professor shakes his head. 

"Apparently, the poor sucker got mistaken for George Kaplan," says the second man.

"How could he be mistaken for George Kaplan when he doesn't even exist?" asks the third man.

"Don't ask me how it happened, but obviously it happened," replies the second man. "Vandamm's men must have grabbed him and tried to put him away, using Lester Townsend's house."

"And unsuspecting Townsend winds up with a stray knife in his back," says the third man.

"C'est la guerre," says the second man. 

"It's so horribly sad, " says the first man, "Why is it I feel like laughing?"

"What are we going to do?" asks the woman.

"Do?" asks the first man. 

"About Mr. Thornhill?" replies the woman. 

We - we do nothing," answers the Professor. 

"Nothing?" asks the woman.

"That's right: nothing," replies the Professor. "Oh, we could congratulate ourselves on a marvelous stroke of good fortune..."

Thornhill catches Townsend as he slumps forward into Roger’s arms. A photographer with a flash camera takes Roger’s picture. 

“Look!” shouts a bystander.

“He’s got a knife! Look out!” says another woman nearby. 

“Listen to me!” says Roger. “I had nothing to do with this!”

“Call the police!” says another bystander.

Roger sees the crowd of people moving closer to him. “Don’t come any nearer! Get back!” he shouts, then drops the knife and runs out of the visitor lounge. 

High above the United Nations, the camera follows Roger running to a cab outside the building.

Later, at the United States Intelligence Agency, a man is reading the Washington Evening Star newspaper aloud. 

“The photograph has been identified as that of Roger Thornhill, a Manhattan advertising executive,indicating that the name George Kaplan, which he gave to an attendanti n the General Assembly Building-was false,” says the man. 

“A possible motive for the slaying was suggested by the discovery that earlier today, Thornhill appeared in a Glen Cove police court, charged with drunk driving with a stolen car…” continues the man.

HOSTS: Jonathan Howell and Chris Ramirez of the Minute Impossible Podcast

"Well, there must be some mistake," says Thornhill. "Mister Lester Townsend?"

"That's me," replies Townsend. "What can I do for you?"

Valerian ducks around a corner as the two men approach.

"Are you the Townsend who lives in Glen Cove?" asks Roger.

"That's right," says Townsend. "Are we neighbors?"

"A large, red brick house with a tree-lined driveway?" asks Thornhill.

"That's the one," says Townsend.

"Were you at home last night, Mister Townsend?" asks Roger.

"You mean in Glen Cove?" asks Townsend.

"Yes," replies Roger.

"No, I've been staying in my apartment here in town for the last month," says Townsend. "I always do, when we're in session here."

"What about Mrs. Townsend?" asks Roger. 

"My wife has been dead for many years," replies Townsend.

"Oh, I'm -" begins Roger.

"Now, Mister Kaplan, what's this all about?" asks Townsend.

"Well, forgive me," says Roger, "but who are those people living in your house?"

"What people?" asks Townsend. "The house is completely closed up. Just the gardener and his wife, living on the grounds." Townsend folds his arms. "Now, Mister Kaplan, suppose you tell me who you are and what you want?"

"Well, uh, please, just a minute," says Roger, reaching for the picture of 'Townsend' in his jacket pocket. "Look, do you know this man?" He holds the picture up for Townsend to see. 

Suddenly, Townsend pitches forward, a knife stuck in his back. Valerian flees the scene. Townsend falls into Thornhill's arms. 

HOSTS: Jonathan Howell and Chris Ramirez of the Minute Impossible Podcast

"She'll page him for you," says the receptionist to Thornhill, handing him a paper. 

"Thank you very much," replies Thornhill. 

"You're welcome, Mister Kaplan," replies the receptionist. He heads for the Public Lounge. 

In the reception area, there is a crowd of visitors.

"Mister Bernatti, of the Swiss Observers' Office, Mister Bernatti, of the Swiss Observers' Office," intones a page over the intercom.

"Would you page Mister Lester Townsend, please?" asks Thornhill of the operator, who is seated at a desk. He hands her the paper from the receptionist. 

"Certainly, Mister Kaplan," replies the operator. She keys her microphone. 

"Mister Townsend of UNIPO, Mister Townsend of UNIPO," says the operator, "please call at the communications desk of the Public Lounge."

Valerian appears at the entranceway to the lounge. He spots Thornhill, and slowly puts on a pair of leather gloves. 

"Mister Townsend of UNIPO, Mister Townsend of UNIPO," repeats the operator, "please call at the communications desk of the Public Lounge."

"Miss Knox, of Ceylon," pages another operator, "United States Secretary, please."

"You paged me?" asks Townsend at the desk. 

"Mister Kaplan?" says the operator. 

"Yes?" says Thornhill.

"You wanted to see Mister Townsend?" asks the operator. 

"Yes," replies Thornhill.

"This is Mister Townsend," explains the operator. Townsend looks nothing like the "Townsend" Thornhill met the previous night. 

"How do you do, Mister Kaplan," says Townsend, shaking Thornhill's hand. Thornhill looks at the operator. 

"This isn't Mister Townsend," says Thornhill.

Townsend laughs. "Yes it is!" he says. 

HOSTS: Jonathan Howell and Chris Ramirez of the Minute Impossible Podcast

The yellow cab pulled up to the stairway in front of the United Nations plaza. Roger climbs the stairs and walks across the plaza to the General Assembly building.

In the five story lobby, Roger approaches the reception desk. 

"May I help you, sir?" asks the receptionist.

"Yes, please," says Roger. "Where will I find Mister Lester Townsend?"

"Mister Lester Townsend of UNIPO?" asks the receptionist.

"Yes," replies Roger.

"And - - did you have an appointment, sir?" asks the receptionist.

"Well, yes," says Roger. "He expects me."

"Your name, please," says the receptionist.

"My name?" asks Roger.

"Yes, please," says the receptionist.

"Kaplan. George Kaplan," says Thornhill.

"One moment, please," says the receptionist. She picks up a phone and dials a number. 

Outside, a red taxi pulls up to the UN stairway with Licht and Valerian. Valerian gets out of the car and shuts the door.

"Wait for me at the corner of 47th," says Valerian to Licht. Valerian heads into the General Assembly building while Licht stays in the cab. 

Inside the UN lobby, the receptionist hangs up the phone and turns to Thornhill.

"If you'll give this to one of the attendants in the public lounge," says the receptionist, handing Thornhill a piece of paper.

HOSTS: Jonathan Howell and Chris Ramirez of the Minute Impossible Podcast

Everyone on the elevator is laughing at Roger. 

"Lobby please," says the elevator operator. "Watch your step."

Licht and Valerian make a move to exit the elevator, but Thornhill blocks them. "Oh no, gentlemen, please! Ladies first," says Thornhill. "Come along, ladies! That's right - - come along, good!" 

The henchmen are blocked by the women exiting the elevator. Thornhill squeezes through the exit door of the Plaza hotel lobby. 

"Roger! Roger - - will you be home for dinner?" yells Roger's mom as he leaves. Licht and Valerian pursue.

Thornhill jumps in front of yet another group of passengers waiting at the Plaza's taxi stand, and leaps into a cab. 

"Where to?" asks the cabbie.

"I don't know," says Roger, "just keep going."

Thornhill spots the henchmen getting into a cab behind them. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the picture of  Townsend from the hotel room.  Suddenly, he gets an idea.

"Take me to the United Nations," says Roger. 

"Right," says the cabbie.

"General Assembly Building," continues Roger. 

"Right," says the cabbie. 

"I'm being followed," says Roger. "Can you do anything about it?"

"Yes, I can," says the cabbie.

"Do it," replies Roger. 

Time passes, and the taxi pulls up to the United Nations on First Avenue.  Roger steps out of the taxi and closes the car door. 

HOSTS: Jonathan Howell and Chris Ramirez of the Minute Impossible Podcast

Roger and his mother leave Kaplan's hotel room and head down the hallway to the elevator. 

As they enter the left elevator that's going down, the right elevator going up with Licht and Valerian arrives. The two henchmen board the downward elevator with the Thornhills. 

Roger is startled that they're on the crowded elevator with him. Licht removes his hat. 

Roger nods toward the men while looking at his mother. His mother looks at the two men and glares at Roger, dismissively. Roger tugs at her sleeve and motions again at the two men. 

"You gentlemen aren't really trying to kill my son, are you?" asks Mrs. Thornhill. 

Licht and Valerian look at each other. Valerian laughs. Licht joins in the laughter. Soon, the entire elevator crowd is laughing, while Roger stands, mortified. Even Roger's mother starts laughing. 

HOSTS: Jonathan Howell and Chris Ramirez of the Minute Impossible Podcast

Licht is talking to Roger on the hotel phone.

"-- Mister Kaplan," says Licht.

"Who is this?" asks Roger. 

" We met only last night and still you do not recognize my voice? I should feel offended," says Licht.

"Yes, I know who you are," says Roger. "And I'm not Mister Kaplan."

"Of course not," says Licht. "You answer his telephone, you live in his hotel room, and yet you are not Mister Kaplan. Nevertheless, we are pleased to find you in." The phone goes dead. 

"Now, wait - - "says Roger, jiggling the receiver. "Hello, Operator? Operator?"

"Yes?" says the operator. 

"Operator, this is Mister Thorn - Mister Kaplan in Room 796. That call that just came through - - where did it come from? Was it an outside call, or did it come from the lobby?"

"Just a minute, sir - - I'll see," says the operator. 

"Well, hurry, please," says Roger.

"Who was it?" asks Roger's mother. Roger ignores her. 

"Only one of the men who tried to kill me last night," replies Roger. His mother rolls her eyes. 

"Oh, we're back to that one, are we?" asks his mother. 

"Hello - operator!" repeats Roger, clicking the phone hook. 

"Mister Kaplan," replies the operator.

"Yes?" replies Roger.

"That call was made from the lobby," replies the operator. 

"It was?" says Roger, who then hangs up the phone. 

"This call was from the lobby, which means they're probably on their way up here right now. Let's get out of here!" says Roger, grabbing his mother by the wrist. 

"I think I'd like to meet these killers!" replies Roger's mother.

Roger snatches the photo of "Townsend" from the desk and the two leave the hotel room. 

Thornhill tips the valet. “Here, thanks,” says Roger.

“Thank you,” says the valet, as he leaves. “Pleased to meet you, Mister Kaplan.”

Roger and his mother are alone in the hotel suite.

“Hm,” says Roger, “Now isn’t that the damnedest thing? I’m beginning to think no one in the hotel has actually seen Kaplan!”

“Maybe he has his suits mended by invisible weavers,” replies Roger’s mother. Roger sighs at her, then removes his suit jacket. 

“Let me see something,” says Roger, putting on Kaplan’s jacket. It’s too short for him.

“I don’t think that one does anything for you,” observes his mother. 

Roger holds up the pants in front of him. They’re also too short. 

“Ah, that’s much better,” says his mother.

“Obviously, they’ve mistaken me for a much shorter man,” says Roger. The phone rings. 

“Should I?” asks Roger.

“Certainly not!” replies his mother.

Roger doffs Kaplan’s suit jacket. “Hold that,” he says to his mother. Roger picks up the phone. “Hello?” he says into the receiver.

“It is good to find you in,” says Licht, on the other end of the call. 

Roger is questioning Elsie, the Plaza housekeeper. 

“And that’s the first time you’ve laid eyes on me?” asks Roger. 

“Can I help it if you’re never around, Mister Kaplan?” replies Elsie. 

“Well, then how do you know I’m Mister Kaplan?” asks Roger. 

“What?” asks Elsie.

“How do you know I’m Mister Kaplan?” repeats Roger. 

“Well, of course you are!” says Elsie. “This is Room 796, isn’t it?”

“Mm-hmm,” says Roger. 

“So, you’re the gentleman in Room 796, aren’t you?” explains Elsie. 

“Mmm,” says Roger. “Alright, Elsie. Thanks.”

“Will that be all, sir?” asks Elsie.

“Uh, for the time being, yes,” replies Roger. The doorbell buzzes. Roger looks at Elsie, and then opens the door. 

“Valet,” says a man in a Plaza uniform. 

“Oh yes, come in,” says Roger. Elsie leaves as the valet steps inside the room.

“Should I hang it in the closet, Mister Kaplan?” asks the valet. 

“Yes, please,” replies Roger.  The valet walks toward a closet. 

“Tell me,” says Roger, “uh, I’ve forgotten – – what time did I give you that suit?”

“Last night, around, uh, around six,” replies the valet.

“Oh,” says Roger, “did I give it to you personally?”

“Personally?” says the valet, “No, Mr. Kaplan – – you called down on the, on the phone, and described the suit to me and said it would be hanging in your closet. Like you always do! Anything wrong?” 

“No, no – – just curious,” replies Roger.

“Look who’s here!” says Roger, holding up a photograph.

“Who? Where?” asks Roger’s mother, startled. 

Roger looks at a picture of six men, standing in front of a University doorway. Mr. Townsend is one of the men in the group. 

“Our friend, who’s assembling the General Assembly this afternoon,” replies Roger. 

“Roger, I think we should go,” says his mother. 

“Don’t be nervous,” says Roger. 

“I’m not nervous,” replies his mother, “I’ll be late for the bridge club.”

“Good,” says Roger. “You’ll lose less than usual.” Thornhill presses the call button for the maid, next to the bed. He then walks into the bathroom and looks around. He finds a brush and a comb, then puts them back on a shelf. 

“Bulletin,” says Roger. “Kaplan has dandruff.”

“In that case, I think we should leave,” says Roger’s mother. The door buzzes. 

“Too late,” says Roger. He walks to the door and opens it. The housekeeper stands outside.

“You rang for me, sir?” asks the housekeeper.

“Yes,” says Roger. “Come in a moment.” The housekeeper steps into the room.

“What’s your name?” asks Roger.

“Elsie, sir,” replies Elsie. 

“Elsie,” says Roger, “Do you know who I am?” 

“Sure,” says Elsie, “You’re Mister Kaplan.”

“When did – – when did you first see me?” asks Roger.

“Outside the door,” says Elsie, pointing at the door. Roger looks puzzled. “Out in the hall, a couple of minutes ago!” explains Elsie. “Don’t you remember?”

As Roger escorts his mother into the Plaza Hotel, he explains that she lends “an air of respectability.”

“Don’t be sarcastic, Roger,” scolds his mother.

They enter the lobby and walk past the front desk, then turn a corner to a row of golden house phones. 

“There you are, dear,” says Roger, maneuvering his mother next to the phones. “Park yourself there.” He picks up a phone. “Now, here goes.”

“Hello, operator – have you got a George Kaplan staying here? – – That’s right.  – – You have? Room 796. Ring it, will you please?” Roger continues on the phone, turning to his mother, “You see?” he says to her. 

“I see,” says Roger’s mother. “Well, I hope he clears up this silly business because you’re ruining my whole day…”

“Shut up,” orders Roger. Then, into the phone, he says, “Oh — well, did he leave word of when he’d be back? – – Really? Well, thank you.” Roger hangs up the phone. 

“Well, that’s odd – – he hasn’t answered his telephone in two days!” Roger says to his mother. 

 “Maybe he got locked in the bathroom,” suggests his mother. 

“Mother,” says Roger, reaching into his pocket for a wad of bills, “do me a favor, will you? Put on that sweet, innocent look you do so well and go to the desk and get the key to 796.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” says Roger’s mother.

Roger’s mother leads Roger out of the library. 

“Will you be wanting to get in touch with my husband, Captain?” asks Mrs Townsend. The group is assembled in the Townsend foyer. 

“No, Mrs Townsend, that won’t be necessary,” replies Captain Junket. 

“Do you mean you’re not going to do any more about this?” asks Roger, incredulous.

“Roger,” says Mrs. Thornhill, “Pay the two dollars.”

Roger grunts, and the visitors all leave out the front door. 

“Goodbye!” whispers  Mrs. Townsend, waving as the Ford Fairlane pulls away from the entrance. 

As the car passes a row of hedges, the “gardener” looks up. It’s Valerian. 

Back in Manhattan Taxi 0-79730 pulls up to the front of the Plaza Hotel on 60th Street. Roger helps his mother out of the car. 

“I don’t see why you want me along,” says Roger’s mother.

“Well, you lend a certain – ” begins Roger. 

Captain Junket has more questions for Mrs. Townsend. 

“Last night,  forcibly intoxicated by some friends of your husband’s, and then set out on the road. Do you know anything about this?”

“Well now, Captain,” replies Mrs. Townsend, “Roger was a bit tipsy when he arrived here by cab for dinner.”

“She’s lying!” says Roger. 

“And I’m afraid he became even worse as the evening wore on. Finally, he told us he had to go home to sleep it off!” says Mrs. Townsend. “I knew I should have served dinner earlier.”

“What a performance!’ exclaims Thornhill.

“Mrs. Townsend, does the name George Kaplan mean anything to you?” asks Captain Junket. 

“George Kaplan?” replies Mrs. Townsend. “No.” 

“I didn’t think so,” says Captain Junket.

“Well, where’s her husband?” says Roger. “He’s the one you should be questioning!”

“Is there any place he can be reached? asks Captain Junket.

“Why, yes,” replies Mrs. Townsend. “The United Nations.”

“United Na -?” says Roger. 

“He’s addressing the General Assembly this afternoon,” says Mrs. Townsend. 

Roger shrugs. “Alright, so he’s addressing the General Assembly,” he says. 

“Sorry we had to bother you,” says Captain Junket, turning to leave. 

“No bother at all,” replies Mrs. Townsend, smiling. The others leave. with only Thornhill and his mother remaining. 

“Now, wait a minute!” says Roger. His mother dismisses him, and leads him out of the library. 

“Bourbon,” says Roger’s mom, as she finishes his sentence. “I remember when it used to come in bottles.” Roger steps away from the cabinet in disbelief. 

The door to the room opens. “Roger!” says Mrs. Townsend. “Dear! We were so worried about you!” She puts her hands on Roger’s upper arms and hugs him. “Did you get home alright? Of course you did! Let me look at you. Oh, a little pink-eyed, but aren’t we all? It was a dull party –  – you didn’t miss a thing!” 

“I want you all to know: I never saw this woman before last night!” Roger marches to the far corner of the room while Mrs. Townsend laughs. 

“Mrs. Townsend, I’m Captain Junket of the Nassau County detectives. This is Lieutenant Harding,” says Junket. 

“How do you do?” says Mrs. Townsend, looking at Roger. “You haven’t gotten into trouble, Roger?” 

“Hah!” laughs Roger’s mother, “Has he gotten into trouble!”

“Now stop calling me Roger!” says Thornhill to Mrs. Townsend. 

“Mrs. Townsend,” says Captain Junket, “Mister Thornhill was picked up last night, driving while under the influence of alcohol, and incidentally in a stolen car.”

“Stolen car?” says Mrs Townsend, in a shocked voice.   

“According to Mrs. Babson of Twining Road,” replies Captain Junket. 

Mrs. Townsend turns on Roger. “Roger, you said you were going to call a cab! You didn’t borrow Laura’s Mercedes!” 

“No, I didn’t borrow Laura’s Mercedes!” shouts Roger. 

“Mister Thornhill has told us that he was brought to this house against his will -” begins Captain Junket.

Roger and his mother approach the front door of the Townsend estate, followed by two detectives and Thornhill’s attorney. 

Anna, the housekeeper answers the door. “Yes?” she says.

“Remember me?” asks Thornhill.

“Yes, sir,” replies Anna. 

“Good,” says Thornhill.

“Is Mister Townsend at home?” asks Detective Junket.

“No,” replies Anna, “I’m sorry, he’s left for the day, sir.”

“Mrs. Townsend?” asks Junket.

“Who shall I say is calling?” asks Anna.

“County detectives,” replies Junket.

“Come in, please,” says Anna, opening the door further. The visitors all step inside to the foyer. 

“This way, please,” says Anna, leading them into the same room where Roger was attacked the night before. 

“This is the room,” says Roger to the detectives. 

“I’ll call madam,” says Anna, closing the door behind her. 

“You do that,” says Junket.

“And here’s the sofa, where they held me down!” says Thornhill, pointing at the sofa. “They spilled bourbon all over it. I’ll show you the stains.” Roger lifts up a sofa cushion that’s free of any stains. 

 “Well, they must have cleaned them off,” says Roger, as his mother painfully looks at the detectives.  Roger walks to the other side of the room.

“This is the cabinet where they keep the liquor.  “Scotch, gin, vodka,” he explains, opening the cabinet doors to reveal a row of hardcover books. 

“And – ” begins his mother.

Roger and his attorney are in a preliminary hearing about Roger’s drunk driving charges. 

“And you believe there is some credence to this story?” the judge asks Roger’s attorney.

“Credence?” asks Roger, outraged.

“Well, I – ” begins Roger’s attorney, “Your Honor, I mean if my client says this is what happened, I’m – – I’m certain this is what happened.”

“You’re damn right,” adds Roger.

 “Sergeant,” says the judge to Klinger, “I want this turned over to the county detectives for investigation. I suggest you call them up and have them come over here, immediately.”

“Right, Your Honor,” replies Klinger. 

“Counselor,” says the judge, “I’m going to set this over for final disposition tomorrow night at seven-thirty, at which time I expect you and the defendant to be here and ready to go to trial. In the meantime, the county detectives will determine if his story has any basis in fact.”

“Basis in fact?” exclaims Roger, “I suppose if I were brought in here dead, you still wouldn’t believe-“

“Now, Roger, wait a minute!” warns the attorney.

“Well, I mean, after all, Your Honor,” replies Roger, “Would I make up such a story?”

“That is precisely what we’re intending to find out, Mister Thornhill,” replies the judge.

Later that day, the detectives, Roger, his attorney, and Roger’s mother arrive at the Townsend mansion in a 1958 Ford Fairlane 500.  They walk up to the front door.

Medical Examiner Dr. Cross interviews Roger Thornhill.

“What is your name?” asks Dr. Cross.

“Roger Thornhill,” replies Roger. 

“Stick out your tongue, and say ‘Aah’,” says Dr. Cross. 

“You’d better move back,” replies Roger. “Aaaaaah.”

“Have you been drinking?” asks Dr. Cross.

“Doctor, I am gassed,” replies Thornhill.

“What were you drinking?” asks Dr. Cross.

“Well, Bourbon,” says Thornhill. “These two fellas, they,  and another —“

“How much would you say that you drank?” asks Dr. Cross.

“What did you say?” asks Roger.

“How much would you say that you drank?” repeats Dr. Cross.

Roger holds his hands at arms’ length. “Oh, about this much,” says Roger. 

“Mister Thornhill, ” says Dr. Cross, “It is my opinion that you are definitely intoxicated, and I’m now going to have to-“

Roger climbs up on the interview table to lay down.  “There’s no question I’m stinkin’,” says Roger as he puts his head on the table. 

“…and I’m now going to ask your permission to draw blood,” continues the doctor.

“How disgusting!” mumbles Roger, now supine on the table. 

“You, uh,  may refuse to permit a blood test to be made,” says the doctor, “but if you do refuse, your license will be revoked. You have the right to notify a physician of your own choosing…”

The scene dissolves to the hearing the follow morning. Roger’s attorney is making a plea in defense of his client. 

“It was at this point,” says the attorney, “that Mister Thornhill succeeded in escaping  from his would-be assassins, and when they gave chase, he naturally had to drive as best he could, under the, uh, circumstances.”

“Counselor,” asks the judge, “How long have you known your client?”

“Seven years, Your Honor,” replies the attorney.

“Do you know him to be a reasonable man?” asks the judge.

“Absolutely,” replies the attorney.  Roger’s mom guffaws loudly.

“Mother!” snaps Roger. 

A drunken Roger Thornhill is talking to his mother on the phone at the Glen Cove police station. 

“Come on, let’s go,” says Sgt. Klinger.

“No, I’m not finished yet,” replies Roger.

“Yes, you are,” says Klinger. “Come on.”

“Mother, I – I – I gotta go now,” says Roger into the phone. “Well, you go get my lawyer right away and come and bail me out.”

“Tomorrow morning, tell her,” says Klinger.

“Tomorrow morning, he says,” says Roger, into the phone. “Oh – I don’t know, I’ll ask him.” Roger turns to Klinger. “She wants to know — who says?”

“Sergeant Emile Klinger,” replies Klinger.

“Sergeant Emile – – Emile? – Sergeant Emile Klinger,” says Roger into the phone. “No, I didn’t believe it either. Eh, I’m alright, Mother. Good night! Good night, dear.”

Roger hands the phone back to Klinger. “That was Mother,” says Thornhill.

Klinger leads Thornhill out of the office. “Let’s go,” says Klinger.

They walk back into the courtroom. A doctor is filling out paperwork, while a police office draws a chalk line on the floor. 

“Here’s your man, Doctor,” says Klinger, dragging Thornhill to a chair. 

“What’s your — ” begins the Doctor. 

Sergeant Klinger helps a staggering Roger Thornhill to his feet as they walk out of the courtroom to get to a telephone.

“Over here,” says Klinger.

“Oh, thank you,” replies Thornhill. 

“You’d better make it your lawyer,” says Klinger. 

“BOnneville Eight One Oh Nine Eight,” says Thornhill.

“What am I, a telephone operator?” asks Klinger, moving Thornhill into a small room with a desk and a phone. 

“BOnneville Eight One Oh Nine Eight,” repeats Thornhill. Klinger relents and dials the number. Roger straightens his tie. 

“Hello?” says a voice on the telephone. 

“Just a minute, please,” replies Klinger, handing the phone to Roger. “Here,” he says.

“Oh, thank you,” replies Roger, and puts the phone to his ear. He coughs loudly. “Hello, Mother? Mother, this is your son, Roger Thornhill. Yeah. Wait a minute, I’ll find out.”

Roger looks at Klinger. “Where am I?” asks Thornhill.

“Glen Cove Police Station,” replies Klinger. 

“Glen Cove Police Station,” repeats Thornhill. “No, no, Mother – I have not been drinking! No, no – – these two men, they – they poured a whole bottle of bourbon into me!  – – – No, they didn’t give me a chaser!”

“Thanks for the lift, fellas!” says Thornhill to the police officers as they enter the Glen Cove police station. 

“Lieutenant, I want this man examined for driving while intoxicated,” says Sgt. Klinger. 

“Really,” says the lieutenant.

“You see, they tried to kill me!” slurs Thornhill. “now –  he won’t listen to me,” pointing at Klinger. “They’re in a big house. They tried to kill me!” 

“Alright,” says Klinger, “Let’s just go inside.”

“I don’t want to go inside,” says Thornhill. He looks at the other arresting officer. “Somebody call the police.”

“Come on,” says Klinger, tugging on Thornhill’s arm. “Come on, now.” 

“Oh, okay,” agrees Thornhill. 

Klinger walks Thornhill into a small courtroom. “Sit down,” says Klinger.

“I don’t want to sit down,” says Thornhill, but does so, anyway. “I’m perfectly alright, see? We’ll get ’em. We’ll throw the book at’em!” Roger lays down on a court bench. “Assault and kidnapping! Assault with a gun and a bourbon and a sports car. We’ll get ’em!” 

“You’ll be alright after a good night’s sleep,” says Klinger. “We got a nice cell, all made up and waiting.” 

“I don’t want a cell, I want a policeman!” says Thornhill.

The other officer walks into the courtroom. “The car was just reported stolen.”

“Uh-huh,” says Klinger, looking at Thornhill.

“Mrs. Babson, up on Twining Road,” explains the other police office.

“I gotta call someone,” says Thornhill. “Where’s the phone?”

“You’re allowed one call,” says Klinger, helping Roger to his feet. 

Sgt. Emile Klinger hops into his patrol car and gives chase. 

Thornhill, drunk, is heedless that he’s being pursued by the police. 

Suddenly, Thornhill spots a man on a bicycle riding across his path. Thornhill slams on the brakes. The police car rear-ends the Mercedes, and then a blue 1946 Ford Super Deluxe rear-ends the police cruiser. 

Licht and Valerian slowly approach the scene of the accident, staring in disbelief. 

Two police officers exit the cruiser and approach Thornhill in the Mercedes. 

Licht makes a U-turn and heads away from the scene in the Cadillac. 

Later, the two police officers drag a still-drunken Thornhill into the Glen Cove police station. 

Thornhill continues to fight his drunken state as he drives the Mercedes along a winding road, with Licht and Valerian in pursuit. 

He passes a Mercury Monterey on a double solid traffic line. The driver of the Mercury honks his horn. 

At a three-way stop, Roger narrowly avoids rear-ending a Pontiac Star Chief, then almost hits a 1958 Edsel Corsair in an oncoming lane. While avoiding this collision, he almost runs into a 1958 El Camino. 

After all these near-misses, Roger passes a parked Glen Cove police car. Sgt. Emil Klinger is examining a fence post with his flashlight. 

A drunken Thornhill mumbles in the driver’s seat of the Mercedes, as Valerian starts the car. 

“Don’t worry about me, fellas,” says Thornhill, “I’ll take the bus.”

Valerian puts the car in gear and aims it toward a cliff overlooking the ocean. Licht gets back into the Cadillac and follows. 

Thornhill groggily comes somewhat to his senses and kicks Valerian out of the passenger side door. Valerian rolls into the brush on the side of the road. The Mercedes accelerates toward the cliff edge. 

Valerian gets up and runs to Licht in the waiting Cadillac. 

Thornhill tries to steer, but he’s too insensible to drive. The car winds toward the ocean. 

Licht stops the car, and watch as events may make their mission complete. 

The left side of the Mercedes leaves the roadway. Thornhill haphazardly steers away from the cliff edge. The back left wheel of the car leaves the cliff edge, spnning in midair over the ocean. 

Thornhill tries to assess the situation. He sees the tire, spinning high above the crashing waves below. “Hmmm,” he says, downshifting and turning the wheel sharply to the right. The tire rejoins the road edge, and the Mercedes continues on the winding road. 

Licht and Valerian stare in disbelief at the sudden turn of events. Licht puts the Cadillac in gear and chases after Thornhill in the Mercedes. 

Bleary-eyed, Thornhill attempts to stay on the winding highway. The tires squeal as he makes sharp turns to avoid hitting trees. 

1957 Ford Country Sedan beeps its horn as Thornhill strays into the oncoming lane. The cars pass each other to the left. 

“It’ll be necessary for us to — insist,” says Leonard. 

Thornhill lunges for the door, but Licht and Valerian grab him. After a brief struggle, the two men force Thornhill back to a sofa. 

Leonard holds the pint glass next to Thornhill’s head, and begins to fill in with the liquor bottle. 

“Cheers!” says Leonard. 

The scene dissolves to the rocky, mountainous coastline of purportedly Long Island. Licht and Valerian wrestle a staggering, intoxicated Roger Thornhill out of their Cadillac and into the driver’s seat of a 1959 Mercedes-Benz 220 SE Cabriolet.  

“Ahhh – – goodnight,” mumbles Roger. 

Waves crash against the coastline. No guardrails block the roadway from the ocean. 

Licht sits Thornhill up straight in the driver’s seat. 

Roger sings, “I’ve grown accustomed to my bourbon…” as Valerian gets into the passenger seat.

Vandamn doesn’t see any point in “Kaplan” keeping up the deception. 

“I don’t suppose it would do any good to show you a wallet full of identification cards, driver’s license, things like that?” asks Thornhill.

“They provide you with such good ones,” says Leonard. 

Vandamn looks at his watch. “It’s getting late,” he says, “I have guests. Do you intend to cooperate with us? I’d like a simple yes or no.”

“A simple no,” replies Thornhill, “for the simple reason I simply don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Vandamn walks to the library door and opens it. As he passes by Leonard, he says, “Give Mister Kaplan a drink, Leonard.” Then, to Thornhill, he says, “A pleasant journey, sir.”

Valerian and Licht enter the room, Licht, holding a cigarette. 

Thornhill puts his wallet back in his suit pocket. 

Leonard walks to a liquor cabinet. “Scotch? Rye? Bourbon? Vodka?”

“Nothing, thank you,” replies Thornhill. “I’ll just take a quick ride back to town. “

“Oh, that has been arranged,” says Leonard. “But first, a libation! Bourbon.” Leonard holds up a large bottle of liquor and a pint glass. 

“You drink it,” says Thornhill. “I’ve had enough stimulation for one day.”

“It’ll be easier if you take this yourself. Otherwise it’ll be necessary – “

Thornhill opens the library door, only to find Valerian blocking his way. 

“Townsend, you’re making a serious mistake,” says Thornhill.

“This is not going to lead to a very happy conclusion, Mister – – Kaplan,” replies Townsend. 

“I’m not Kaplan!” says Thornhill. 

“I do wish you’d reconsider,” says Townsend.

“We also know your contact in Pittsburgh, since Jason — ‘committed suicide,'” says Leonard. 

“What contact?” says Thornhill. “I’ve never even been in Pittsburgh!”

Townsend puts on his glasses and reads from a list:

• On June the 16th, you checked into the Sherwyn Hotel in Pittsburgh as Mister George Kaplan of Berkeley, California; 
• A week later, you registered at the Benjamin Franklin Hotel in Philadelphia as Mister George Kaplan of Pittsburgh;
• On August the 11th, you stayed at the Statler in Boston;
•  August the 29th, George Kaplan of Boston registered at the Whittier in Detroit;
• At present, you’re registered in Room 796 at the Plaza Hotel in New York as George Kaplan of Detroit;  
• In two days you’re due at the Ambassador East in Chicago;
• And then at the Sheraton-Johnson Hotel in Rapid City, South Dakota.

“Not me!” says Thornhill. 

“So, you see there’s very little sense in maintaining this fiction that you’re deceiving us any more we’re – “

“Of course,” says Vandamn, about to light a cigarette.

“So obviously, your friends picked up the wrong package when they bundled me out here in the car!” replies Thornhill. 

“Do sit down, Mister Kaplan,” says Vandamn, gesturing with his cigarette. 

“I told you: I’m not Kaplan, whomever he is!” says Thornhill, as the door opens. It’s “Mrs. Townsend.”

“Excuse me,” she says. 

“Yes?” replies Vandamn.

“The guests are here,” she says.

“Look after them,” says Vandamn. “I’ll be with you in a few minutes.” She closes the door as she leaves.

Vandamn turns back to Thornhill. “Now,” he says, “shall we get down to business?”

“I’m all for that,” says Roger. 

“Quite simply, I’d like to know how much you know about our arrangement,” says Vandamn. “And of course how you’ve come by this information. Naturally, I don’t expect to get this for nothing.”

Roger exhales. “Of course not!” he says, sarcastically.

“Don’t misunderstand me,” says Vandamn. “I don’t really expect you to fall in with the suggestion, but the least I can do is afford you the opportunity of surviving the evening.” 

Roger turns and looks at Vandamn, stunned. 

“What the devil is THAT supposed to mean?” he asks. 

“Why don’t you surprise me, Mister Kaplan, and say yes?” says Vandamn.

“I’ve already told you!” replies Thornhill.

“We know where you’re headed for,” says Leonard. 

“And I know where I’m headed,” replies Thornhill. “I’m headed for the Winter Garden Theater in New York, and I think I’d better get going.”

Roger marches to the library door, only to bump into Valerian, blocking his way.

“A little more polished than the others,” says Vandamn. 

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re pleased, Mister Townsend,” says Roger. 

“But I’m afraid, just as obvious,” replies Vandamn. 

“Now what the devil is all this about?” asks Thornhill. “Why was I brought here?”

“Games?” replies Vandamn, “Must we?”

“Not that I mind a slight case of abduction now and then,” says Roger, “but I have tickets for the theater this evening, to a show I was looking forward to — and I get, well, kind of unreasonable about things like that!”

 “With such expert play-acting,” says Vandamn, “you make this very room a theater.” Vandamn glances up as the door opens. A tall, thin man enters the room.

“Ah, Leonard,” says Vandamn, “Have you met our distinguished guest?”

“He’s a well-tailored one, isn’t he?” says Leonard. 

“My secretary is a great admirer of your work, Mister Kaplan,” says Vandamn. “Elusiveness, however misguided-“

“Wait a minute,” says Roger. “Wait, wait – – did you call me Kaplan?”

“I know you’re a man of many names,” says Vandamn, “but I’m perfectly willing to accept your current choice.” Leonard hands Vandamn a box of cigarettes. 

“Current choice?” asks Roger. “My name is Thornhill! Roger Thornhill – it’s never been anything else.”

Locked in the Townsend Library, Thornhill examines the room for clues on his abduction. He picks up a mailing tube from a desk near the room’s large window. 

There’s a mailing label. It says:

MR. LESTER TOWNSEND 169BAYWOOD, GLEN COVE, N.Y.20 3690 5821 X C

He puts the mailing tube down on the desk and looks out the window. Licht is talking to a tall, thin man who is holding a croquet mallet. Whatever Licht says to the man has the two of them scurrying out of the back yard. 

Phillip Vandamn opens the library door and steps inside. He closes the door behind him.

“Good evening,” says Vandamn. 

Thornhill says nothing, but regards him curiously. Vandamn returns the gaze, and the two men slowly circle the desk. 

Vandamn closes the curtain across the window, plunging the room into darkness. He turns on a table lamp. 

“Not what I expected,” says Vandamn. “A little taller.”

The Cadillac pulls up to the front of the Townsend mansion. Licht steps out of the car, followed by Thornhill and Valerian.

Valerian rings the doorbell. Anna, the housekeeper, answers the door. Valerian and Thornhill step inside the foyer. Licht circles around to the back of the house. 

“Where is he?” says Valerian to Anna. 

“Upstairs, dressing,” replies Anna.

“Tell him I’m here,” says Valerian.

“The dinner guests are expected,” says Anna.

“Never mind that. Say to him, ‘Kaplan,'” says Valerian. 

“By the way,” says Thornhill, “What are we having for dessert?”

Anna heads upstairs. Valerian points to a door. “This way,” he says to Thornhill.

Valerian and Thornhill enter a tastefully appointed library. 

“You will wait here,” orders Valerian.

“Oh, don’t worry,” says Thornhill, “I’ll catch up on my reading.” He waves at a wall of bookshelves. Valerian closes the door as he leaves. Thornhill tries the door, but finds it locked. 

Thornhill is in the back of the Cadillac, surrounded by Licht and Valerian. 

“- can explain I’m being kidnapped?” asks Thornhill. “Well, that is what’s happening, isn’t it?” Valerian ignores him.

Suddenly, Thornhill lunges for the door. He can’t open it. Turning to Valerian again, he says, “Locked?” Still no response from Valerian. 

The Cadillac eventually pulls into the driveway of a large estate. The name “TOWNSEND” appears on a sign at the end of the driveway. 

“Who’s Townsend?” asks Roger. No response. “Oh really? Interesting,” say Roger, sarcastically. 

Thornhill spies the Townsend mansion in the distance. The estate is set on a sprawling, enormous lawn, with a tree-lined lane leading up to the front door. 

The Cadillac pulls up to the front steps of the house. 

Thornhill heads for the front desk at the Plaza, but a large left hand grabs him by the shoulder.

“Hey, wait a minute,” says Roger. “What’s that supposed to be?”

“Car’s waiting outside,” replies Valerian. “You will walk between us, saying nothing.”

“What are you talking about?” asks Thornhill.

“Let’s go,” orders Licht.  He points a small gun into Thornhill’s ribs. 

“Let’s go?” says Roger,” Who – who are you?” 

“Mere errand boys, carrying concealed weapons,” says Valerian.” His is pointed at your heart. So please, no errors of judgement, I beg of you.” 

“Oh, come on, fellas,” says Thornhill,” what is this, a joke or something?”

“Yes, a joke,” says Licht. “We will laugh about it in the car.”

“Now, this is ridiculous,” says Thornhill, as the two men drag him toward the side exit. 

The three men walk to the 60th Street exit of the Plaza. A 1958 Fleetwood 75 Cadillac is parked in front of the doorway. The two men put Thornhill in the back seat, still at gunpoint.

Licht closes the door, as the three of them sit in the back of the Cadillac. He puts the gun in his jacket pocket. 

“Well,” says Thornhill,”Don’t tell me where we’re going – – surprise me!” He looks back at forth at his captors. “You know, I left some friends back there at the Oak Bar. They’re going to think I’m awfully rude!  I mean, uh, couldn’t we stop off at a drug store for a moment, so that -“

Victor leads Thornhill into the Oak Room Bar. Roger spots Mr. Weltner. 

“Herman?” he says to Weltner.

“Hello, Roger,” replies Weltner.

“I’m a little late,” says Roger. 

“Roger Thornhill,  Fanning Nelson, Larry Wade,” says Weltner, introducing the two other men, who stand and shake hands with Thornhill. 

“How do you do?” says Thornhill. 

“We’ve gotten a head start here, Mister Thornhill” says Wade, pointing at their drinks.

“Oh, that won’t last long,” replies Thornhill. I was telling Larry and Fanning  that you may be slow in starting, but there’s nobody faster coming down the home stretch,” says Weltner. 

Roger keeps looking at his watch.

“What’s the matter, Roger?” asks Weltner. “You’ve got the fidgets.”

“Well, I just did something pretty stupid,” says Roger. “I told my secretary to call Mother and I realized she won’t be able to reach her where she is.”

“Why not?” asks Weltner.

“Well, she’s playing bridge at the apartment of one of her cronies’,” explains Roger.

“Your secretary?” asks Weltner.

“No, my mother,” replies Thornhill. “It’s one of those brand new apartments: all wet paint, and no telephone yet.”

“Paging George Kaplan. Mister George Kaplan,” says a bellboy.

“Perhaps if I sent her a telegram…” says Roger. He waves at the bellboy. 

“Mr. George Kaplan?” repeats the bellboy. 

“Boy!” shouts Thornhill.

Two men in the hallway notice Thornhill’s wave at the bellboy. 

“Kaplan,” says one to the other. 

“I’ve got to get off a wire, immediately,” says Thornhill to the bellboy. “Could you send it for me if I write it out for you here?”

Well, I’m not permitted to do that, sir,but if you’ll follow me…” explains the bellboy.

“Ah,” says Thornhill. He turns to the other men.  “Will you excuse me?”

“Go right ahead,” says Larry Wade. Thornhill follows the bellboy out of the Oak Room.

Go right through there, sir,” says the bellboy, pointing at the front desk. 

“Thank you,” says Thornhill, tipping the bellboy.

“Thank you, sir,” says the bellboy.

“Sure she does,” says Thornhill, “like a bloodhound.”

“Bigelow at 10:30 is your first tomorrow,” says Maggie. “You’re due at the  Skin Glow rehearsal at noon, then lunch with Falcon and his wife.”

“Oh yeah,” says Thornhill. “Where was that?”

“Larry and Arnold’s, one o’clock,” replies Maggie. 

“Oh,” says Thornhill, reading his paper.

“Will you check in later?” asks Maggie.

“Absolutely not,” says Roger.  The cab pulls to a stop. 

“Here, Driver,” says Roger, handing the cabbie a wad of bills. “Take this lady back where she belongs.”

“Right,” says the cabbie.

“That ought to cover it,” says Roger. He turns to Maggie. “And don’t forget: call my mother right away.”

“I won’t,” says Maggie. “Good night, Mr. Thornhill.”

“Good night, sweetie” replies Roger, stepping out of the cab. 

“Oh wait!” says Roger, as the cab pulls away, “You can’t call her – – she’s at Mrs.–”  but the cab has already left. Roger looks at his watch, and steps into the Plaza hotel lobby. 

A string quartet is playing “It’s a Most Unusual Day” as Roger walks past the front desk of the hotel. He makes a right turn and enters the Oak Room and Rendez-Vous bar. 

“Good evening, Mister Thornhill,” says the Oak Room host, dressed in a white dinner jacket. 

“Good evening, Victor,” replies Roger, shaking his hand. “I’m looking for Mister Weltner and two other gentlemen.”

“Yes, sir,” replies Victor, “right this way.”

Roger Thornhill is dictating a letter to his secretary, Maggie, as they walk along Madison Avenue. 

“-and all your other sweet parts,” he finishes. Maggie grimaces. 

“I know, I know,” says Roger, apologetically.  

Maggie points with her pencil. “Oh,” she says, “Could we take a cab, Mister Thornhill?”

“What, for two blocks?” he says. 

“You’re late, and I’m tired,” pleads Maggie. 

“Now that’s your trouble, Maggie,you don’t eat properly,” says Thornhill.

“Alright, Taxi!”  shouts Roger. A taxi stops at Madison and East 60th St. A man is about to climb into the car, but Thornhill stops him. 

“I beg your pardon,” says Roger, shoving Maggie into the back of the cab,”I have a very sick woman here. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Well, no,” replies the man. “I mean..”

“Thank you very much,” replies Roger, climbing into the cab and shutting the door.

“Perfectly all right,” says the man, puzzled. 

“First stop, the Plaza. Don’t throw the flag,” says Roger to the cabbie. 

“Poor man,” says Maggie.

“Oh, come, come, come,” says Roger.”I made him a happy man. I made him feel like a Good Samaritan.”

“He knew you were lying,” replied Maggie. 

“Ah, Maggie,” says Roger, “In the world of advertising, there’s no such thing as a lie – – there’s only expedient exaggeration. You ought to know that.”

Roger looks at an article in his newspaper. “Say, do I look heavish to you?” he asks Maggie.

“What?” asks Maggie.

“I feel heavyish,” says Roger. “Put a note on my desk in the morning: ‘ Think Thin.’ “

“Think Thin,” repeats Maggie. 

“Better make it the Fifty-Ninth Street entrance, driver,” says Roger. 

“Okay,” says the cab driver. 

“Oh,” says Roger to Maggie,” Soon as you get back to the office, better call my mother. Remind her that we’ve got those theater tickets for tonight. Dinner at Twenty One, seven o’clock. I’ll have had two martinis at the Oak Bar, so  she needn’t bother to sniff my breath.”

“She doesn’t do that,” says Maggie. 

Credits continue as crowds cross Fifth Avenue at 42nd St in Manhattan. 

TITLE: DIRECTED BY ALFRED HITCHCOCK

A door closes on city bus 2930, shutting Alfred Hitchcock outside. 

In the lobby of an office building, a man is dictating a letter to his secretary, Maggie. The man is Roger O. Thornhill. 

“If you accept the belief that a high Trendex means a rising sales curve…” says Thornhill.

“Mr. Thornhill?” calls out an elevator operator. 

“Good night, Eddie,” says Thornhill. “Say hello to the missus.”

“We’re not talking,” replies Eddie. Thornhill shrugs at his secretary and continues walking and dictating.

“My recommendation is still the same,” he says to his secretary. “Spread the good word in as many small-time segments as we can.”

Thornhill stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. 

“Let the opposition have their high ratings while we cry all the way to the bank,” continues Thornhill as he and the secretary head for the door. 

He continues dictating. “Why don’t we colonize at the Colony one day next week for lunch. Let me hear from you, Sam. Happy thoughts, etc, etc…” 

Thornhill looks at his watch. “Come on, you’d better walk me to the Plaza,” he says to his secretary. 

“I didn’t put a coat on!” says Maggie. 

“Use your blood sugar, child. Come on!” replies Thornhill. “Next?” he asks. 

“Gretchen Sabinson,” replies Maggie. 

“Oh yes,” says Thornhill, “Send her a box of candy from Blum’s. Ten dollars. You know the kind: each piece wrapped in gold paper. She’ll like that – – she’ll think she’s eating money. Just say to her her: ‘Darling, I count the days, the hours…’ “

“You sent that one last time,” replies Maggie. 

“I did?” says Roger, “Oh well, put: ‘Something for your sweet tooth, baby’ “

Credits continue on the side of 430 Park Avenue. 

TITLE:

ADAM WILLIAMS

EDWARD PLATT

ROBERT ELLENSTEIN

LES TREMAYNE

PHILIP COOLIDGE

PATRICK McVEY

EDWARD BINNS 

KEN LYNCH

TITLE: WRITTEN BY ERNEST LEHMAN

TITLE: MUSIC BY BERNARD HERRMANN

TITLE: DIRECTORY OF PHOTOGRAPHY ROBERT BURKS, A.S.C.

TECHNICOLOR®

 TITLES:

PRODUCTION DESIGNED BY ROBERT BOYLE

ART DIRECTORS WILLIAM A. HORNING & MERRILL PYE

SET DECORATIONS HENRY GRACE & FRANK McKELVEY

SPECIAL EFFECTS A. ARNOLD GILLESPIE & LEE LeBLANC

TITLES DESIGNED BY SAUL BASS

TITLES:

IN VISTAVISION

FILM EDITOR GEORGE TOMASINI, A.C.E.

COLOR CONSULTANT CHARLES K. HAGEDON

RECORDING SUPERVISOR FRANKLIN MILTON

HAIR STYLES BY SYDNEY GUILAROFF

MAKE-UP BY WILLIAM TUTTLE

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR ROBERT SAUNDERS

The building dissolves into a street scene of rushing mid-day New Yorkers. 

TITLE: THE EVENTS, CHARACTERS AND FIRMS DEPICTED IN THIS PHOTOPLAY ARE FICTITIOUS. ANY SIMILARITY TO ACTUAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, OR TO ACTUAL FIRMS, IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

TITLE:

APPROVED MPAA CERTIFICATE NO. 19156 – WESTREX RECORDING SYSTEM – THIS PICTURE MADE UNDER THE JURISDICTION OF SMPTE, AFFILIATED WITH A.F. OF L. 

Traffic is packed in Manhattan as crowds cross the street next to city buses. 

More crowds scurry down flights of stairs from Vanderbilt Ave in Grand Central to the main concourse. 

TITLE: ASSOCIATE PRODUCER HERBERT COLEMAN

A rumble of timpanis. Bernard Herrmann’s score begins over a green screen, as the Metro Goldwyn Mayer logo (“Ars Gratia Artis”) appears. The lion roars three times. The logo fades.

Blue lines intersect with each other across the screen.

TITLE: METRO-GOLDWYN-MAYER PRESENTS

TITLE: CARY GRANT

TITLE: EVA MARIE SAINT

TITLE: JAMES MASON

TITLE: in ALFRED HITCHCOCK’S

TITLE: NORTH BY NORTHWEST

TITLE: © MCMLIX BY LOEW’S INCORPORATED  – ALL RIGHTS IN THIS MOTION PICTURE RESERVED UNDER INTERNATIONAL CONVENTIONS

The blue lines dissolve into the image of 430 Park Ave in Manhattan. Traffic on the street is reflected in the building’s windows.

TITLE: CO-STARRING JESSIE ROYCE LANDIS

TITLE: WITH LEO G. CARROLL, JOSEPHINE HUTCHINSON, PHILIP OBER, MARTIN LANDAU

Roger is peeling dollar bills off a roll while negotiating with his mother about the key to Room 796.

“I wouldn’t do such a thing!” says Mrs. Thornhill.

“Ten dollars?” asks Roger.

“Not for all the money in the world!” says Mrs. Thornhill.

“Fifty?” offers Roger. 

“Roger, you are disgraceful,” says Mrs. Thornhill. 

“Mm-hmm,” agrees Roger. Mrs. Thornhill takes the $50 bill and heads for the front desk. 

Later, in the hallway in front of Room 796, Roger’s mother is listing all the lawbreaking going on in this adventure. 

“Car theft, drunk driving, assaulting an officer, lying to a judge, – – and now, housebreaking,” says Mrs. Thornhill.

“Not housebreaking, dear – – it’s hotel breaking. There’s a difference,” explains Roger, putting the key in the lock.

“Of five to ten years,” replies Roger’s mother. 

“Just a minute, please!” says a housekeeper. Roger looks up. 

“Will you want me to be changing your bedding, sir?” asks the housekeeper. 

“Uh, yes, but not right now,” says Roger, smiling. 

“Well, I only mention it, sir, ’cause the bed doesn’t seem like it’s been slept in,” replies the housekeeper, “and I was just wondering if I should go on changing the linens.”

“Well, thank you for your interest,” says Roger, opening the hotel room. “Come on, dear,” he says to his mother. 

The two walk into a large suite. 

“Now, she seemed to think I’m Kaplan,” says Roger. “I wonder if I look like Kaplan?” He looks around the room, examining a dining table, and a correspondence desk. There are several papers on the desk. He picks up a photograph.

“Ah, well look – ” begins Roger.